Seeking long term relationship advice

I (30M) have been with my gf on and off for over ten years. I started living with her and her parents while I was in university. We tried an open relationship since we were each other's firsts and that didn't go well for me but eventually we got back to being exclusive. After her father passed away things became worse her mom (has bpd) had a horrible episode and my gf had to leave for her safety. My worst moment is when she needed a place I said no since my mom and dad said no. She stayed at a shelter for a week then went to stay at her cousins for a year. During this time we broke up again but then I went back to her. Her mom got better, was able to get a place so my gf went back to her later she asked me to move in with her. I was now working a good job with money, paying a portion of my moms rent and the only driver. I didn't tell my gf that I was giving money to my mom so she always wondered why I always seemed low on funds I eventually told her and she was very upset understandably we had many fights. She started streaming to make friends. She did but they were mainly guy friends and since she hasn't really had friends the way she talks is like flirting. My gf is a night owl so she would stream at night so I would be sleeping and hearing her giggle which made me ruminate at night. This would lead to another break up. Six months after I called her after her mom told me they are moving away. We're doing a long distance relationship where I see her every other weekend. I can now live my life without fully funding my mom since my brother can help now but when I talk to my gf I understand she has trust issues with us because of the past break ups and me abandoning her. I feel like *** and am not sure what to do next since both of us want to try to mend it and she has forgiven me for it but doesn't trust me ultimately. She also started to stream again. I have been having this pit in my stomach for a week now. I feel like a coward thinking about my past actions.