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scaredandanxious
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PathStep 8 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceJune 30, 2022
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I realised I'm lesbian, but I'm engaged to a man
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by scaredandanxious
Last post
 October 16th, 2022
...See more I realised I'm gay. I'm engaged to a man. I don't know what to do, I didn't know where else to seek advice. (I'm 24, he's 28) I found out I was gay, but I'm currently engaged to a man. I have severe mental health issues, such as CPTSD, severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and some phobias. So I feel like I can't live alone due to these issues, I don't feel safe by myself. Me and fiance were originally gonna move out together as friends to save money, and so I could get out of my toxic family home, but feelings got caught and we ended up getting engaged pretty quick. Well, I found out I wasn't just bisexual, I am in fact gay, I don't like men sexually. But here is the thing, I still love my fiancé, I don't want to break up because I'm so fucking scared to have to live on my own, and Im so scared of hurting his feelings. I don't have any money saved up, and it's practically impossible to save money on disability benefits. I did tell him I was gay, and he was super supportive. We talked about it and decided not to change anything just yet. But every time I bring up that I'm gay, it changes his entire mood, as if I talk about it and come out to hurt his feelings, which is not my intention at all, I just want to be true to myself. We fight a lot about this, and I try to do everything in my power to keep the peace. I do stuff I don't really want to do sexually with him just to not fight anymore, because I'm so tired of it. We've basically had more sexual interactions now than before. I said we would have sex this morning but I decided to say no because my body is aching from all the bed shenanigans, but he got visibly disappointed, the one time I said no. And now I'm sat here feeling restless and shitty for saying no. I love him to pieces, and I feel safe and secure with him, he is my bestest friend, but I honestly don't know what to feel or think. It feels like nothing is sorted in my head as I'm already struggling to accept that I'm actually gay, and I'm generally just anxious and scared all the time. I feel like it's all wrong and I don't know what to do.
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