I realised I'm lesbian, but I'm engaged to a man
I realised I'm gay. I'm engaged to a man.
I don't know what to do, I didn't know where else to seek advice.
(I'm 24, he's 28)
I found out I was gay, but I'm currently engaged to a man.
I have severe mental health issues, such as CPTSD, severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and some phobias. So I feel like I can't live alone due to these issues, I don't feel safe by myself.
Me and fiance were originally gonna move out together as friends to save money, and so I could get out of my toxic family home, but feelings got caught and we ended up getting engaged pretty quick.
Well, I found out I wasn't just bisexual, I am in fact gay, I don't like men sexually.
But here is the thing, I still love my fiancé, I don't want to break up because I'm so fucking scared to have to live on my own, and Im so scared of hurting his feelings. I don't have any money saved up, and it's practically impossible to save money on disability benefits.
I did tell him I was gay, and he was super supportive. We talked about it and decided not to change anything just yet. But every time I bring up that I'm gay, it changes his entire mood, as if I talk about it and come out to hurt his feelings, which is not my intention at all, I just want to be true to myself. We fight a lot about this, and I try to do everything in my power to keep the peace. I do stuff I don't really want to do sexually with him just to not fight anymore, because I'm so tired of it. We've basically had more sexual interactions now than before.
I said we would have sex this morning but I decided to say no because my body is aching from all the bed shenanigans, but he got visibly disappointed, the one time I said no. And now I'm sat here feeling restless and shitty for saying no.
I love him to pieces, and I feel safe and secure with him, he is my bestest friend, but I honestly don't know what to feel or think. It feels like nothing is sorted in my head as I'm already struggling to accept that I'm actually gay, and I'm generally just anxious and scared all the time.
I feel like it's all wrong and I don't know what to do.
I feel like you should be honest with your true feelings and the other person should accept it, he shouldn't make you feel guilty about your decisions and he shouldn't stop you if you want to go down a completely different path.
Life is not long. So better not regret it.
@scaredandanxious
Having been through this exact scenario and playing it out to the credits, I advise you to end things and begin your new life as soon as possible. I understand damage control, the confusion, and tethering the rope. I promise you, the longer it is drawn out, the more it will only hurt you both. Sexual conflicts are not something that can be reconciled, and it sounds to me like you have put yourself in situations you didn't want to be in more than once. You run the risk of traumatizing yourself further and growing toward resentment.
It sounds like your fiance is very supportive, thank goodness - but it also sounds like he's being dismissive and may not be taking you seriously. Please stand up for yourself and do not be afraid to live out loud. Yes, there will be consequences, but you will find, just as I did, that there is way more good than bad, and many of your mental health struggles will improve as a result of living an authentic life.
Please take action soon.
