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sglow
1 1,201 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2026 Member sinceMarch 15, 2019
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How to cope after affair break up
Relationship Stress / by sglow
Last post
 November 18th, 2024
...See more I’m not expecting any kind words here because I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have been having a long distance affair with a married man for more than 5 years. We met online and he was upfront about being married and wanting to stay married, but wasn’t getting what he needed at home. I was in quite a lonely, vulnerable state at the time and we immediately clicked. We became best friends, chatting all day, sharing our thoughts and daily events, saying good morning and goodnight, flirting and occasionally having phone sex too although that was a tiny part of it. His wife discovered this affair at the weekend and he wrote to me to say that in an attempt to salvage his marriage we had to stop communicating. And that was that. I’m devastated. I stupidly had let myself believe that we would be friends forever. He always made it clear that his wife came first and I respected that, but he really made me feel special, was so supportive and always listened. We joked and laughed through everything and I supported him too. We never discussed it because he was clear he didn’t want to talk about his wife, but I got the feeling that his marriage had gone a little stale. I was aware that me being in the mix wouldn’t be helping, but I didn’t want to give him up. I know how selfish I have been and I’m so ashamed. But equally I have lost my best friend and it all happened within a few hours. I woke up Saturday morning thinking all was normal, by lunchtime my world had fallen apart. And because it was a secret affair I can’t tell anyone. I keep crying, I can’t function. I just miss him so much, How do I recover from this? My life has a lot of challenges and I’m a carer which has meant I have become isolated from a lot of my friends. He was my only friend. I know he has to work on his marriage, but it was 5 years of my life! I’m so alone now, I can’t breathe
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Triggers around emotional abuse and violence (I think)
35 & Over Community / by sglow
Last post
 December 28th, 2021
...See more I'm struggling and need to talk and I'm stuck in a vicious circle which means the one friend I can talk to this about is probably starting to get really bored of hearing me say the same thing. But I have to keep venting... so I'm going to talk about it here. So about three years ago my best friend moved in with me. She had a dispute with her neighbours and had to sell her house in a hurry. It worked out well because at the time I needed extra money to pay the rent. We were both very independent people but she was only supposed to stay about 6 months or so. As time moved on she decided to stay a bit longer to save up more money and we made a deal that if she paid minimum rent and bills, once she bought her own place I would stay with her for a while and pay the same, to give me a chance to save a house deposit. It seemed like a good plan... we got on most of the time although it was a fiery relationship at times. She hates living where I do, that really seemed to get to her, and she would often blame me for the situation. Fast forward to March 2020, we're looking at houses and then BAM... covid hits We're stuck in the house together 24/7. Tensions really start to rise. My life changes completely because I go from being out and about most of the time to being stuck at home all the time. And then a few months later another BAM... she develops fibromyalgia and various other chronic pain conditions. It seems to have been triggered by the pandemic and through PTSD from the situation with her neighbours and having to move house and live in town. So we're now in the situation where I'm primarily her carer. I make all her meals, do all the cleaning, the driving, I have to help her dry her hair - all that sort of thing. It's radically changed the dynamic of our friendship. She is so angry all of the time. Whatever is going on, anger is her first response. And 9/10 she is angry with me. I don't seem to be able to say the right thing. If I'm honest I never really wanted to live with someone never mind have to care for them - but she is my best friend and I want to help. She doesn't really have another viable option. So I crack on with it and try to be positive but I'm struggling. She is very controlling - nothing I do is good enough and she gets so angry with me about it. I don't think I'm particularly easy to live with if I'm honest, I like my own space and work hard, so sometimes I just want to crash in front of the TV. But I'm her main link to the outside world and she gets angry with me that I don't 'try harder' for her. I know that really she's angry about the situation but some of the stuff she says is so upsetting. She is very articulate when she is angry, she knows exactly what to say to upset me. And it always does, no matter how much I try to ignore it. She will attack my life decisions, I'm a loser, I'm lazy, she'll attack my family, she says I'm ruining her life etc. Once the temper has subsided she always apologises, although usually blames me for having provoked her. Recently things have gotten more serious. She grabbed my arm last week and dragged a car key on my wrist to say I might as well end my life because I'm such a loser. She throws things at me. Kicks furniture around. She hurts herself too, slams her hand against the wall, that sort of thing. The problem is the more this all happens, the more broken I feel. She hates when I cry - yet taunts me until I do cry, and then shouts at me for crying. My self-esteem is taking a huge dive. I can't be myself. She knows my family and friends really well and although I've talked to my sister about it a little, then don't know the true extent of it all because I don't want them to think badly of her. I don't know what to do. She needs help dealing with her situation but refuses to do that. She has had therapy in the past and feels like that was enough but she's clearly not coping. And I need to somehow stop causing huge arguments and saying the wrong thing. I really don't mean to make her life worse.
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Caregiver to a friend
Family & Caregivers / by sglow
Last post
 July 13th, 2021
...See more I feel like a fraud writing in this group but I’m struggling right now. My best friend moved in with me a couple of years ago because she had to sell her house. It was supposed to be temporary but it has lasted a lot longer and during that time her health has deteriorated. She has fibromyalgia and central sensitisation syndrome and is in pain a lot. It’s meant she struggles to drive, walk anywhere, lift her dinner plate etc etc. So I’m looking after her. I’ve gone from a life of independence and coming and going as I please to one where I get a guilt trip if I need to go out, even if it’s just to buy food for both of us, because she can’t do it herself. She does manage a trip to her mum once a week but saves up all of her energy for this and so doesn’t get to see her friends etc. She was also independent and busy and her life has been stolen from her. She is (understandably) angry and upset a lot of the time, and it’s often directed at me. She loses her temper so quickly, it’s becoming an increasingly difficult relationship and I can tell it’s affecting my mental health. She wants to continue living with me and I’m happy to do this so I can help her rather than have her back at home with her elderly mother, but not if I am screamed and shouted at every day. I don’t know why I posted all that, guess I just needed to get it off my chest!
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