How to cope after affair break up
I’m not expecting any kind words here because I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have been having a long distance affair with a married man for more than 5 years.
We met online and he was upfront about being married and wanting to stay married, but wasn’t getting what he needed at home. I was in quite a lonely, vulnerable state at the time and we immediately clicked. We became best friends, chatting all day, sharing our thoughts and daily events, saying good morning and goodnight, flirting and occasionally having phone sex too although that was a tiny part of it.
His wife discovered this affair at the weekend and he wrote to me to say that in an attempt to salvage his marriage we had to stop communicating. And that was that.
I’m devastated. I stupidly had let myself believe that we would be friends forever. He always made it clear that his wife came first and I respected that, but he really made me feel special, was so supportive and always listened. We joked and laughed through everything and I supported him too. We never discussed it because he was clear he didn’t want to talk about his wife, but I got the feeling that his marriage had gone a little stale. I was aware that me being in the mix wouldn’t be helping, but I didn’t want to give him up.
I know how selfish I have been and I’m so ashamed. But equally I have lost my best friend and it all happened within a few hours. I woke up Saturday morning thinking all was normal, by lunchtime my world had fallen apart. And because it was a secret affair I can’t tell anyone. I keep crying, I can’t function. I just miss him so much,
How do I recover from this? My life has a lot of challenges and I’m a carer which has meant I have become isolated from a lot of my friends. He was my only friend. I know he has to work on his marriage, but it was 5 years of my life! I’m so alone now, I can’t breathe
@sglow
I'm not here to judge you. We’re all human, and emotions can lead us into complex situations. It’s completely normal to feel heartbroken and devastated after being so emotionally involved in a relationship, even if part of you knew it wasn’t the healthiest or fairest situation.
Right now, your feelings are valid. Loving someone and then losing them is painful, no matter the circumstances. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of emotions — sadness, guilt, and maybe even confusion about how it all unfolded. Be kind to yourself and take time to process what you’re going through.
This could also be a moment to reflect. What did this relationship teach you about what you want and need in a partner and in yourself? Use this as an opportunity to focus on your own growth and healing. You deserve love, respect, and stability in your relationships, both with others and with yourself.
If you want to talk more, I’m here to listen. Feel free to reach out to me
Thanks for responding. I’m just devastated. I should have known better and shouldn’t have done it, or at least prepared myself that this would happen. It ended so quickly - 5 years of my life over in about an hour. I’m lost and lonely and can’t stop crying
