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shyMango2053
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceNovember 18, 2017
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worried about my frienship
Anxiety Support / by shyMango2053
Last post
 November 19th, 2017
...See more Hey guys! I'm brand new to this site and honestly was having a rough day and stumbled upon it in google searches. I just need somewhere right now to express my thoughts and emotions, so even if no one sees this it's as good of a place as any. I feel like I have a lot of emotional issues that I need to confront in general, but tonight I've been extremely anxious about my best friend. He's a great guy and we do/share everything together (I feel guilty just writing about him on the internet) but I'm worried that I've started to become completely dependent on him and it's not even a mutual issue. It's not just dumb things like driving me to the grocery store, but he's become my sole source of emotional expression and generally human company in my free time as a college student. I've sorta drifted apart from the rest of my close friends over the years and this hasn't bothered me until recently because I've always strongly believed in quality over quantity so as long as I had my best friend I'd be fine. The issue is it's reaching the point when he's busy and I don't have anything to do I get really lonely and sad and I don't think he's experiencing the same issues (I will literally clear my schedule to hang out with him when he's free but he's always busy and although he makes time for me it's clear that he doesn't necessarily rely on it). I get in my own head and tell myself that he's sick of me or making up excuses, and I've started to find myself staring at my phone for hours waiting for him to text back when I'm trying to make plans. I want to talk to someone about it because it's been driving me insane but he's the only person I talk about this kinda stuff with and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. An issue it's been bringing up is that it's making me paranoid around him, like I've started assuming he's judging me for the things I say especially when I open up and I've starting assuming the worst in him even though he probably hasn't been acting differently at all. I get so anxious whenever I text him because I feel like I'm just burdening him now and I really can't live like this, he's all of the emotional support I really have and I just don't know what to do. Sorry if this got ranty if anyone's reading it (still not quite sure how this website works) but I'm glad I was able to articulate those thoughts and worries for the first time. I feel bad just for writing them down because I feel guilty for having bad thoughts about my best friend, but I just can't go on with all of these feelings in my head without getting them out in some way. If you're still here thanks for reading and I hope it wasn't too much
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