worried about my frienship
Hey guys! I'm brand new to this site and honestly was having a rough day and stumbled upon it in google searches. I just need somewhere right now to express my thoughts and emotions, so even if no one sees this it's as good of a place as any.
I feel like I have a lot of emotional issues that I need to confront in general, but tonight I've been extremely anxious about my best friend. He's a great guy and we do/share everything together (I feel guilty just writing about him on the internet) but I'm worried that I've started to become completely dependent on him and it's not even a mutual issue. It's not just dumb things like driving me to the grocery store, but he's become my sole source of emotional expression and generally human company in my free time as a college student. I've sorta drifted apart from the rest of my close friends over the years and this hasn't bothered me until recently because I've always strongly believed in quality over quantity so as long as I had my best friend I'd be fine. The issue is it's reaching the point when he's busy and I don't have anything to do I get really lonely and sad and I don't think he's experiencing the same issues (I will literally clear my schedule to hang out with him when he's free but he's always busy and although he makes time for me it's clear that he doesn't necessarily rely on it). I get in my own head and tell myself that he's sick of me or making up excuses, and I've started to find myself staring at my phone for hours waiting for him to text back when I'm trying to make plans. I want to talk to someone about it because it's been driving me insane but he's the only person I talk about this kinda stuff with and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. An issue it's been bringing up is that it's making me paranoid around him, like I've started assuming he's judging me for the things I say especially when I open up and I've starting assuming the worst in him even though he probably hasn't been acting differently at all. I get so anxious whenever I text him because I feel like I'm just burdening him now and I really can't live like this, he's all of the emotional support I really have and I just don't know what to do.
Sorry if this got ranty if anyone's reading it (still not quite sure how this website works) but I'm glad I was able to articulate those thoughts and worries for the first time. I feel bad just for writing them down because I feel guilty for having bad thoughts about my best friend, but I just can't go on with all of these feelings in my head without getting them out in some way. If you're still here thanks for reading and I hope it wasn't too much
@shyMango2053
It wasnt ranty at all and I get what you mean. Perhaps i'm somewhat in the same boat but not as bad. i only got 4 months left with this friend of mine as i'm moving out of the country. so i make it a point to ensure i get the most amount of my time i have with her so much so i feel like im the only one doing the sacrificing when its not the case. But it makes me get edgy and sometimes over clingy. What i started doing is to just do the things i enjoy doing on my own when she is not there. read watch a movie or even write poetry and go to the beach. That has helped me a lot and i also try to enjoy the time I get with my other friedns as well without letting my thoughts of her get in the way or think of the time im missing cause im engaged in some other activity. I just try to make the most of what i have got.
Hope this helped. but the fact that you can see what you maybe doing to the relationship and being willing to find help i belive is the first step to make the entire thing work.You dont have to feel bad for talking about yr friend cause your not back stabbing him, but being honest about yr feelings.
love