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smallbluebell
977 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 36 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes32 Current upvotes32 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceDecember 12, 2019
Bio

Trying to get to therapy finally! battling with atleast anxiety and possible depression. love a good coffee and playing games on pc.

Recent forum posts
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venting some of my dysfunctional and abusive family life
Trauma Support / by smallbluebell
Last post
 August 1st, 2021
...See more -as a child my parents were always talking about money problems and such so I started to make myself an "easy" kid who never asked anything. at times I was the only one with money and parents would sometimes ask some from me to food and gas and I felt proud of it at the time -mom and dad got divorced and 7th grade and everything went downhill -mom became alcoholic and had suicidal thoughts, few years later started dating and then was stuck in an abusive relationship for 5years, abusive man had also problems with ex wife and their kids so that got in to the familymix too -dad re-married after one year of divorce and was also stuck in a bad marriage for about 5 years, new wife also had problems with ex husband's and their kids -never feeling at home, always when heard somebody coming to the houses I felt like I can't be there and ran to my room what I shared with my sibling -thinking everything is fine and just powering through all the years -finetuned to hear what kind of voice somebody is using, being on high alert when loud noises -finally got help at 19 years old and been on a recovering journey since
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tonight is apparently some old online purchase anxiety
Anxiety Support / by smallbluebell
Last post
 February 18th, 2020
...See more I think this is me venting and overthinking?right now I'm having anxiety about an online purchase form 2017. If I remember correctly it was an Instagram ad about underwear discount and I was then like "sure why not!' and it went to euphoria secret website where I had to create an account and stuff and bought the stuff and all that jazz and there was apparently a 3-day trial that after it ended I would be a member for fullpriced products or something and I emailed them about not wanting Any of them and asked about my purchase and that I have the account deleted. There was a response to all of my emails about them, first about the deleting account and how it's done etch and then about how the 3day trial read in their site before making the account and how I'm part of a raffle where 300 people win something and they will contact again if I win (that message came twice completely the same). my account was deleted successfully, everything went greate nothing to pay extra but the underwear never came and I tried to think that possibly because it was a sale item they don't give the money back or something. but then my brain started to think what if it was a scam all along, what if they get money from my bank, identity teft, all the horrible things, witch I have felt before too but tried to talk my brain down from it ,because they did answer to the emails and no money has been taken from anywhere. and here I am again having major anxiety about this again,
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The seasonal bad feeling is here
Anxiety Support / by smallbluebell
Last post
 December 13th, 2019
...See more Right now I m feeling a bit teary eyed, restless and tired but can`t sleep yet, and when i do get to sleep i sleep for too long. This has been a thing for the last 4 years for me right around autumn-winter holidays. I have been living away from my toxic family circles, witch have been getting a little better, but still i feel pressure to please my parents to meet everyone on holidays, so nobody gets neglected. This is a thing I have already talked with a therapist and i don`t get major anxiety or panic attacks anymore after getting the help to cope with them. But i still get this weighty feeling over me, even though i know i don`t have to go or that i could only meet some of them and it`s frustrating to feel like this. Also I just bought a daylight simulationlamp for this seasonal sleepyness/sleeplessness and i am very exited to see if it works for me!
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