venting some of my dysfunctional and abusive family life

-as a child my parents were always talking about money problems and such so I started to make myself an "easy" kid who never asked anything. at times I was the only one with money and parents would sometimes ask some from me to food and gas and I felt proud of it at the time

-mom and dad got divorced and 7th grade and everything went downhill

-mom became alcoholic and had suicidal thoughts, few years later started dating and then was stuck in an abusive relationship for 5years, abusive man had also problems with ex wife and their kids so that got in to the familymix too

-dad re-married after one year of divorce and was also stuck in a bad marriage for about 5 years, new wife also had problems with ex husband's and their kids

-never feeling at home, always when heard somebody coming to the houses I felt like I can't be there and ran to my room what I shared with my sibling

-thinking everything is fine and just powering through all the years

-finetuned to hear what kind of voice somebody is using, being on high alert when loud noises

-finally got help at 19 years old and been on a recovering journey since