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sociableChestnut7762
6,179 M Moving Along 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts146 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceMay 5, 2023
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Please help with the guilt
Relationship Stress / by sociableChestnut7762
Last post
 October 24th, 2023
...See more Long story short, I have been assaulted pretty much as a child and then in the relationships that I’ve been so like sexual verbal everything. So I have a lot of anger issues and a lot of impatience Now the guy that I was dating has also been through two relationships In which in one of them he’s been cheated on. So he’s not the best at communicating and today I got to know that it’s because he feels others will use his insecurities Now the things is we used to have our fair share of fights almost everyday but we always made up and we believed they made us stronger But I always had issues with him being away because in the beginning it was like he was working from home so all gala and then he had to attend a house wedding so damn busy and *** and it took a bad toll Now what happened is that he goes on a trip to Bangkok with his sis and her husband. And he’s just lost, idk how but he is I tell him I went down to get my injections and he’s asking me babe did you go? Now one thing about me is that I stick on to people tight okay I love too much I care too much I become a parent and people have left me saying I’m being too much and just ditched me like crazy Now he tells me 1.5 [https://1.0.0.5/] hours ago that he’s booking a cab and I havent heard from him since God knows where he is if he’s fine or not so I text and call and no answer He comes back in 1.5 [https://1.0.0.5/] hours and tells me to chill and stop being a parent all the time and is severely frustrated Now I was a little frustrated okay because in between there was an emergency and I really needed him but he wasn’t there So he tells me there was rain and he had to carry groceries and all so he didn’t text but before telling me all this he just got super frustrated and called me a mom So I obviously went back to being compared to what my exes told me all the time and I wasn’t able to sleep all night Next day he goes out I send him a breakup message which is another problem of mine since I have such deep fear of abandonment But then he comes back at night and says you don’t want to talk? I’m like dude you’re the one who made me cry, you didn’t even care and you left and now you’re asking me? Fast forward to some time later again I’m very anxious unable to sleep and everything so I video call him at 4 in the morning in the mood to just explain everything and I’m obviously tearing up at this point Before I explain fully He just gets mad again and says it wasn’t care okay it was just frustration I remove the ring he gave me and cut the call Now this is when it got bad I told him I hated him In rage And then a lot of back and forth happened with things that none of us meant to say but still said like crazy. But the biggest mistake I made was I told him you know what You deserved to be cheated on Goodbye He just told me to remember it and left Today about a day later he came to me and said we should end the relationship on a good note and I had already apologized multiple times by then. But he said this is the reason I don’t tell people stuff because they use your insecurity and hearing it from a woman I love so much broke my heart so bad and he also apologized for the pain he caused me but said that he doesn’t see me as the same woman anymore and that his love is fading away. He doesn’t want to let me go and still sees a future with me but he has to. And that’s it. Now I’m left here with this overwhelming sense of guilt that the man who literally flew for me gave me a ring apologized when it wasn’t his fault did everything to be by me I made him leave just in one sentence And now I’m gonna be the reason he doesn’t open up to people anymore. He was the best thing that happened to me, despite his past he would do everything to keep me happy and communicate with me, he would tell me clearly what the issue was but I never paid attention. I lied to him about therapy, took it all for granted and ultimately lost him.
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Unable to deal with the grief
Relationship Stress / by sociableChestnut7762
Last post
 October 24th, 2023
...See more Long story short, I have been assaulted pretty much as a child and then in the relationships that I’ve been so like sexual verbal everything. So I have a lot of anger issues and a lot of impatience Now the guy that I was dating has also been through two relationships In which in one of them he’s been cheated on. So he’s not the best at communicating and today I got to know that it’s because he feels others will use his insecurities Now the things is we used to have our fair share of fights almost everyday but we always made up and we believed they made us stronger But I always had issues with him being away because in the beginning it was like he was working from home so all gala and then he had to attend a house wedding so damn busy and *** and it took a bad toll Now what happened is that he goes on a trip to Bangkok with his sis and her husband. And he’s just lost, idk how but he is I tell him I went down to get my injections and he’s asking me babe did you go? Now one thing about me is that I stick on to people tight okay I love too much I care too much I become a parent and people have left me saying I’m being too much and just ditched me like crazy Now he tells me 1.5 [https://1.0.0.5/] hours ago that he’s booking a cab and I havent heard from him since God knows where he is if he’s fine or not so I text and call and no answer He comes back in 1.5 [https://1.0.0.5/] hours and tells me to chill and stop being a parent all the time and is severely frustrated Now I was a little frustrated okay because in between there was an emergency and I really needed him but he wasn’t there So he tells me there was rain and he had to carry groceries and all so he didn’t text but before telling me all this he just got super frustrated and called me a mom So I obviously went back to being compared to what my exes told me all the time and I wasn’t able to sleep all night Next day he goes out I send him a breakup message which is another problem of mine since I have such deep fear of abandonment But then he comes back at night and says you don’t want to talk? I’m like dude you’re the one who made me cry, you didn’t even care and you left and now you’re asking me? Fast forward to some time later again I’m very anxious unable to sleep and everything so I video call him at 4 in the morning in the mood to just explain everything and I’m obviously tearing up at this point Before I explain fully He just gets mad again and says it wasn’t care okay it was just frustration I remove the ring he gave me and cut the call Now this is when it got bad I told him I hated him In rage And then a lot of back and forth happened with things that none of us meant to say but still said like crazy. But the biggest mistake I made was I told him you know what You deserved to be cheated on Goodbye He just told me to remember it and left Today about a day later he came to me and said we should end the relationship on a good note and I had already apologized multiple times by then. But he said this is the reason I don’t tell people stuff because they use your insecurity and hearing it from a woman I love so much broke my heart so bad and he also apologized for the pain he caused me but said that he doesn’t see me as the same woman anymore and that his love is fading away. He doesn’t want to let me go and still sees a future with me but he has to. And that’s it. Now I’m left here with this overwhelming sense of guilt that the man who literally flew for me gave me a ring apologized when it wasn’t his fault did everything to be by me I made him leave just in one sentence And now I’m gonna be the reason he doesn’t open up to people anymore. He was the best thing that happened to me, despite his past he would do everything to keep me happy and communicate with me, he would tell me clearly what the issue was but I never paid attention. I lied to him about therapy, took it all for granted and ultimately lost him. I would keep putting the phone down, not let him speak and keep talking about breakups. Even when I told him I loved him and asked him to stay by me, it started feeling like I was lying and manipulating him. I lost my gem. Please help me.
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