So I have a lot of anger issues and a lot of impatience
Now the guy that I was dating has also been through two relationships
In which in one of them he’s been cheated on.
So he’s not the best at communicating and today I got to know that it’s because he feels others will use his insecurities
Now the things is we used to have our fair share of fights almost everyday but we always made up and we believed they made us stronger
But I always had issues with him being away because in the beginning it was like he was working from home so all gala and then he had to attend a house wedding so damn busy and *** and it took a bad toll
Now what happened is that he goes on a trip to Bangkok with his sis and her husband. And he’s just lost, idk how but he is
I tell him I went down to get my injections and he’s asking me babe did you go?
Now one thing about me is that I stick on to people tight okay
I love too much I care too much I become a parent and people have left me saying I’m being too much and just ditched me like crazy
Now he tells me
1.5 hours ago that he’s booking a cab and I havent heard from him since
God knows where he is if he’s fine or not so I text and call and no answer
He comes back in
1.5 hours and tells me to chill and stop being a parent all the time and is severely frustrated
Now I was a little frustrated okay because in between there was an emergency and I really needed him but he wasn’t there
So he tells me there was rain and he had to carry groceries and all so he didn’t text but before telling me all this he just got super frustrated and called me a mom
So I obviously went back to being compared to what my exes told me all the time and I wasn’t able to sleep all night
Next day he goes out
I send him a breakup message which is another problem of mine since I have such deep fear of abandonment
But then he comes back at night and says you don’t want to talk?
I’m like dude you’re the one who made me cry, you didn’t even care and you left and now you’re asking me?
Fast forward to some time later again I’m very anxious unable to sleep and everything so I video call him at 4 in the morning in the mood to just explain everything and I’m obviously tearing up at this point
Before I explain fully
He just gets mad again and says it wasn’t care okay it was just frustration
I remove the ring he gave me and cut the call
Now this is when it got bad
I told him I hated him
In rage
And then a lot of back and forth happened with things that none of us meant to say but still said like crazy.
But the biggest mistake I made was
I told him you know what
You deserved to be cheated on
Goodbye
He just told me to remember it and left
Today about a day later he came to me and said we should end the relationship on a good note and I had already apologized multiple times by then.
But he said this is the reason I don’t tell people stuff because they use your insecurity and hearing it from a woman I love so much broke my heart so bad and he also apologized for the pain he caused me but said that he doesn’t see me as the same woman anymore and that his love is fading away. He doesn’t want to let me go and still sees a future with me but he has to.
And that’s it.
Now I’m left here with this overwhelming sense of guilt that the man who literally flew for me gave me a ring apologized when it wasn’t his fault did everything to be by me
I made him leave just in one sentence
And now I’m gonna be the reason he doesn’t open up to people anymore.
He was the best thing that happened to me, despite his past he would do everything to keep me happy and communicate with me, he would tell me clearly what the issue was but I never paid attention. I lied to him about therapy, took it all for granted and ultimately lost him.
