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tallPond5502
1 980 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts72 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceAugust 3, 2019
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Lost
General Support / by tallPond5502
Last post
 March 1st
...See more I hope it is ok to vent on this thread I was unsure where to post my thoughts I suppose they could come under any thread. Just wondering if anyone else feels as lost as I do with life or what to do with themselves? Stuck in the same cycle scared to break free but also miserable. Long story short, I've ended up stuck in a job I hate, to pay for a flat I hate, in a town I hate, no friends or family (moved to this town with dad and step mum, dad killed himself as I moved out of hostel into own flat at 21 then step mum cut me off), in a relationship where I have been cheated on and as much as I wanted it to work it's making me feel ***, he may not be cheating on me now but he follows thirst accounts online and lies to me about money even though his finances don't impact mine he's just incapable of honesty and adult conversations, all of which has left me lost and hopeless. I feel stuck, I know my options but I think I feel so numb and scared I don't know what to do anymore. I could go to uni and give up my flat, start fresh but be away from my only family (mum and brothers). Move back in with my mum despite her not having the room for me and having not lived with her for over a decade due to her alcoholism (she 2 years clean) as well as the chaos in the house is too much cos she lets my brothers do whatever, but I could save money and be closer to them. Or potentially see if I could be accepted in her local council move back closer/rent a room temporarily and save money. Any of my options means giving up some of my freedom, saying goodbye to somewhere I've called home for 10 years, and ending my relationship with someone I still love despite everything, to move somewhere where I will probably still be miserable as my mum lives in the middle of nowhere I'm afraid of getting stuck there too. I just don't know how people decide what's best for them, what their heart wants, and how they imagine their life. How they have the strength to walk away from things when they are "ok" or how they decide when things need to change. I dunno what I want, if I want to end things cos he is very patient and lovely with me, if I could cope moving home, or even what I want to do out of my life. All I've ever dreamed of was uni until I realised probably wasn't for me and then all I wanted was a home and a dog the rest is hard to figure out.
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Losing someone through suicide
Grief & Loss / by tallPond5502
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more Never posted before but just would like to find people that may feel the same way, I have looked into support groups for people who have lost someone by suicide but unfortunately none are near me so I thought I'd try this. It's coming up 3 years since my dad took his own life, I was barely into my 20's, we had a strained relationship and I had lived with him for most my life. He had reoccurring legal trouble due to embezzling money from his work place, leaving him jobless and then homeless off and on after my step mum kicked him out. We never knew what he did with the money but he was always in need of it, stole from my siblings and I as well as my step mum etc.. long story short I told his mum and sister of his lies as they were lending him money out of belief it was for X or y and it wasn't. I was mad at him cos he was never honest and kept hiding and lying and before he died he borrowed a large sum from me, saying it was for a deposit for rent and he was to pay me back. That never happened and I pulled away for myself, he texted me lots saying he loved me althought I honestly can't remember what those texts say I just knew I ignored him and then few days later got the call he had died. I just feel as though I was the catalyst for him taking his own life and was wondering if anyone ever blames themselves like I do when they lose someone like this? Sorry if this isn't allowed here on not what this space is for
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