Lost
I hope it is ok to vent on this thread I was unsure where to post my thoughts I suppose they could come under any thread. Just wondering if anyone else feels as lost as I do with life or what to do with themselves? Stuck in the same cycle scared to break free but also miserable.
Long story short, I've ended up stuck in a job I hate, to pay for a flat I hate, in a town I hate, no friends or family (moved to this town with dad and step mum, dad killed himself as I moved out of hostel into own flat at 21 then step mum cut me off), in a relationship where I have been cheated on and as much as I wanted it to work it's making me feel ***, he may not be cheating on me now but he follows thirst accounts online and lies to me about money even though his finances don't impact mine he's just incapable of honesty and adult conversations, all of which has left me lost and hopeless.
I feel stuck, I know my options but I think I feel so numb and scared I don't know what to do anymore. I could go to uni and give up my flat, start fresh but be away from my only family (mum and brothers). Move back in with my mum despite her not having the room for me and having not lived with her for over a decade due to her alcoholism (she 2 years clean) as well as the chaos in the house is too much cos she lets my brothers do whatever, but I could save money and be closer to them. Or potentially see if I could be accepted in her local council move back closer/rent a room temporarily and save money.
Any of my options means giving up some of my freedom, saying goodbye to somewhere I've called home for 10 years, and ending my relationship with someone I still love despite everything, to move somewhere where I will probably still be miserable as my mum lives in the middle of nowhere I'm afraid of getting stuck there too.
I just don't know how people decide what's best for them, what their heart wants, and how they imagine their life. How they have the strength to walk away from things when they are "ok" or how they decide when things need to change. I dunno what I want, if I want to end things cos he is very patient and lovely with me, if I could cope moving home, or even what I want to do out of my life. All I've ever dreamed of was uni until I realised probably wasn't for me and then all I wanted was a home and a dog the rest is hard to figure out.
@tallPond5502
Yeah, it sounds like it would be really hard to figure out. It's easy to be torn between the desire to make a change and how scary change can be.
What single thing can you do to make today a bit more pleasant?
How would you like your future to look? For example, would you like to a college graduate?
Would you like a pretty little garden, or live in a busy cosmopolitan area?
Are you comfortable with aloneness, or do you feel the need to have people around? Along with social choices, career choices are relevant too.
Dogs and gardens go together pretty well.
Why do you feel that uni isn't for you?
I've done two different things regarding hateworthy jobs. One, I quit. Two, I figured out how to make the job a bit less hateworthy. Once I was stuck in a dangerous and depressing job for five years. After I left the job, I found myself missing it.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply. To answer your questions not much makes me happy, sometimes I get a laugh out of scrolling on my phone but my days off are overshadowed with the thought of returning to work the next day.
I've always struggled to picture what Id like the future to look like, a place to call mine and a dog are the only constants. Don't even know where id want to settle. I do prefer being around others but need my alone time too. Maybe my indecisiveness is down to my ADHD or do others feel just as confused and lost?
I agree that leaving a job your unhappy in is probably for the best, I admire your outlook to turn something negative into positive tho as well, I feel as though I have exhausted that at my current job.