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tealDime8206
1 72 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceJuly 13, 2021
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Trying to move past it.
Trauma Support / by tealDime8206
Last post
 July 20th, 2021
...See more I was sexually abused. The first clear memory I have is we had just gotten home from a friends at that time we were both using meth. I am 3 yrs sober now thank god. We had just gotten home and he was in the mood like he normally was he was trying to command me to do things I didn't want to like call me master and say i own you when i didn't i refused he would slap me so hard i saw stars, yet still i refused to give in to what he wanted he began to punch me on the top of my head until i saw nothing but black i could still hear everything all the names he called me and while i lay there not able to move he raped me. This happened multiple times for so many years and it only got worse. The worse time i can remember is when he put a dog choke chain around my neck and rubbed chunky peanut butter on my vagina and made my dogs lick it off of me i tried to get away but he would just pull the choke chain eventually i couldn't breath and he would stop. It left horrible bruises. Eventually i stopped using but he didnt and i still was abuses he would make me drink his pee. He eventually stopped hitting me witb his fists most of the time instead he swithced to wire hangers and his belts. I finally got free after he had been sober for 2yrs and wanted to go back and visit his family and use i took him down there and never picked his ass up. Only after he was gone did i start having flash backs and a real hatred to men. I also realized how terrified of this man i was and how lucky i am to be a live and living my best life.
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I just want to scream
Trauma Support / by tealDime8206
Last post
 July 14th, 2021
...See more I finally got away from my ex 4 months ago and I felt so free. I didn't know that when I became free there would be so much trauma that I have to try and work through. He was a drug addict that would get so high he stopped caring, he stopped being himself it was like he became somebody else. I was scared, correction I still am terrified but I know if I would ever have to face him again I would run. I am still at the point where I would run the other way and not stop. Eventually I want to be able to say I would fight him and when then spit in his mouth and say how do you like your my bitch I own you now! Then walk away. I don't know if I am ready to share what he did to me. What makes me sad is that I didn't take the help when my parents showed up and knew I was being abused my job had called them after I showed up to work with bruises and ended up in a ball on the floor of the bathroom crying. I shut the door in my parents face why didn't I go? But I can't dwell on that. I would just say it was just rough sex, it was rough sex just really rough sex and I wasn't allowed to say no or he would beat me and I tried to fight back and I would get hurt worse with words, the things he would use on me, the things he would make me do against my will. I just want to tell the whole world but I can't yet because I haven't let got of it yet.
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