Trying to move past it.

I was sexually abused. The first clear memory I have is we had just gotten home from a friends at that time we were both using meth. I am 3 yrs sober now thank god. We had just gotten home and he was in the mood like he normally was he was trying to command me to do things I didn't want to like call me master and say i own you when i didn't i refused he would slap me so hard i saw stars, yet still i refused to give in to what he wanted he began to punch me on the top of my head until i saw nothing but black i could still hear everything all the names he called me and while i lay there not able to move he raped me. This happened multiple times for so many years and it only got worse. The worse time i can remember is when he put a dog choke chain around my neck and rubbed chunky peanut butter on my vagina and made my dogs lick it off of me i tried to get away but he would just pull the choke chain eventually i couldn't breath and he would stop. It left horrible bruises. Eventually i stopped using but he didnt and i still was abuses he would make me drink his pee. He eventually stopped hitting me witb his fists most of the time instead he swithced to wire hangers and his belts. I finally got free after he had been sober for 2yrs and wanted to go back and visit his family and use i took him down there and never picked his ass up. Only after he was gone did i start having flash backs and a real hatred to men. I also realized how terrified of this man i was and how lucky i am to be a live and living my best life.