I just want to scream

I finally got away from my ex 4 months ago and I felt so free. I didn't know that when I became free there would be so much trauma that I have to try and work through. He was a drug addict that would get so high he stopped caring, he stopped being himself it was like he became somebody else. I was scared, correction I still am terrified but I know if I would ever have to face him again I would run. I am still at the point where I would run the other way and not stop. Eventually I want to be able to say I would fight him and when then spit in his mouth and say how do you like your my bitch I own you now! Then walk away. I don't know if I am ready to share what he did to me. What makes me sad is that I didn't take the help when my parents showed up and knew I was being abused my job had called them after I showed up to work with bruises and ended up in a ball on the floor of the bathroom crying. I shut the door in my parents face why didn't I go? But I can't dwell on that. I would just say it was just rough sex, it was rough sex just really rough sex and I wasn't allowed to say no or he would beat me and I tried to fight back and I would get hurt worse with words, the things he would use on me, the things he would make me do against my will. I just want to tell the whole world but I can't yet because I haven't let got of it yet.