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thatdramaticsoprano
823 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 25 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2020 Member sinceDecember 8, 2017
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Reclaiming My Sexuality
Trauma Support / by thatdramaticsoprano
Last post
 January 31st, 2018
...See more Ive been sexually assaulted several times. Ive received rape threats, been groped on public trainait, and had a boy try to grab me, touch me, and kiss me at a school dance, despite me telling him to get off of me over and over. Recently, I talked to a guy that I have a lot of chemistry with. While we both want a supportive connection, I want more of a romantic relationship and he wants more of a sexual relationship. Ive opened up to him about this, and he said that hell take things as slow as I want and that hes willing to compromise his sexual desires for my comfort and wellbeing. The one time this didnt happen, he sent me a dick pic after some teasing snaps - nothing overtly sexual and no full nudity. I told him I wasnt comfortable with that. He apologized, says he shouldnt had done that, and never did again and promised to not do it again. He seems to want a mutually fulfilling relationship, but Im worried my trauma is going to stop me from feeling sexually liberated. While Im very sex positive, intimacy makes me fairly anxious. How do I move on and accept that this guy is very obviously different from the people who have hurt me? Ive been watching a lot of sexual health videos to try to encourage myself to have a positive view of my sexuality but Im still struggling to reclaim my body and sexuality
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I Never Knew My Experiences Could Caused Me Trauma
Trauma Support / by thatdramaticsoprano
Last post
 December 13th, 2017
...See more *****Trigger Warning********* Proceed with caution On Thursday, my roommates and dear friends and I were talking. All of us being LGBTQ+, we were talking about our experiences in finding a term for how we felt, even if we never really did. I used to identify as asexual. I don't know if I still do. See, while I always knew I was a romantic at heart and attracted to other people, I never felt like I could ever envision anything sexual with anyone. I recently started seeing someone, and it challenged me when he wanted to be physically intimate, even if it was a kiss goodbye. I never knew why intimacy made me feel so uncomfortable. I'm very sex positive, but the idea of being engaged in sexual activity gives me this knotted feeling in my gut. I finally think I know why. I've been a victim of sexual assault several times, refusing to come to terms with my story. The first incident was at a junior high dance. I was standing against the cafeteria wall, all dressed up. A boy I knew since elementary school, a popular boy, a grade older than me, apporoached me and said that we were going to dance. I refused over and over again. Apparently no doesn't mean no. He grabbed me and tried to drag me away from my spot, tried to pulll me against him, touched me and tried to kiss me. I stomped on his foot, slapped him hard, and fought back until he let me go. I brushed it off, and never saw it as what it was. I was catcalled for the first time when I was thirteen. I was wearing a v-neck shirt and shorts, walking down the street at midday. A white pick up truck, packed with frat boys, slowed down beside me. This, I've learnt, is more than catcalling. "Smile for us!" "Hey nice t**s!" "I'd like a piece of that ***!" I never told anyone about that day. I never forgot about it. When I was on the bus at 16 years old, I had a stranger grope me. The stranger grabbed and touched my behind when he was walking by. I've received a great deal of rape threats. When I was starting to realize I wasn't straight, I came out at bisexual on the internet. While I received support from some, I got a great deal of not only homophobia, but threats, all anonymous. "One night with me and you'll realize you're straight." "You just need the gay raped out of you." I got a very large amount of that second message. This wasn't only online. I work on till at a sort of fast food place (imagine a middle ground between McDonald's and Boston Pizza). On my very second shift, after I took a 60 year old man's order, he leaned across the counter and threatened me with rape I still don't feel safe going to work. I never knew this wasn't normal. I never knew it wasn't normal for people to be threatened or groped or be made into sexual fantasies. I can understand why sex is synonymous with "danger" and "hurt" now. I'm scared now. I'm faced to confront that my body hasn't felt like my own for the past six years, that my body feels like property, put on display for anyone to stare at and touch. I feel so deeply disturbed that I never knew how I was hurt and that I let it slide. I know two of the faces of the dozens that have hurt me and attacked me. I feel afraid. And now that I've started to see someone I'm so scared that this revelation won't just hurt me. I feel like a statistic. I feel like a victim. I don't feel like my body is mine. The worst thing is that it took me so long to realize that. edited by dancingRainbow45 To comply with trauma community guidelines on posting
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