Reclaiming My Sexuality
Ive been sexually assaulted several times. Ive received rape threats, been groped on public trainait, and had a boy try to grab me, touch me, and kiss me at a school dance, despite me telling him to get off of me over and over. Recently, I talked to a guy that I have a lot of chemistry with. While we both want a supportive connection, I want more of a romantic relationship and he wants more of a sexual relationship. Ive opened up to him about this, and he said that hell take things as slow as I want and that hes willing to compromise his sexual desires for my comfort and wellbeing. The one time this didnt happen, he sent me a dick pic after some teasing snaps - nothing overtly sexual and no full nudity. I told him I wasnt comfortable with that. He apologized, says he shouldnt had done that, and never did again and promised to not do it again. He seems to want a mutually fulfilling relationship, but Im worried my trauma is going to stop me from feeling sexually liberated. While Im very sex positive, intimacy makes me fairly anxious. How do I move on and accept that this guy is very obviously different from the people who have hurt me? Ive been watching a lot of sexual health videos to try to encourage myself to have a positive view of my sexuality but Im still struggling to reclaim my body and sexuality
@thatdramaticsoprano
From someone who has experianced sexual trauma and considers themselves to be a very sexually comfortable and positive person:
Forming new associations with sex and with intimacy in general is the best thing you can do. Being open with partners about your trauma (if it is safe to do so) can really help. Practicing asserting your boundaries and getting to know what makes you feel safe is a solid way to feel in control of your sexuality again. There will always be times when intimacy causes some anxiety, but if you are with someone who knows this may happen and knows how to help you feel safe again you will continue to heal.