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thewander
4,511 M Seeking Light 6
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts86 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceApril 29, 2016
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advice from anyone with experience, or male friends
Relationship Stress / by thewander
Last post
 June 29th, 2023
...See more Not sure if I can post this here, but I really need some advice. My boyfriend's younger brother got a new girlfriend and they're coming back home to see him. My boyfriend is not that close (doesn't talk much) with his brother's gf but they've seen each other sometimes in family meetings (with me as well). Then, now they've broken up and his brother texted me in planning to surprise his brother for his upcoming birthday with coming back home and introducing his new gf. He asked me doesn't it sound like a fun idea, but I'm not sure. I mean it's his brother's birthday after all so wouldn't it ruin his day knowing something unexpected like this? I would like to hear some opinions if you have a brother or if you yourself was in this situation, would you mind or you don't really care because it's your brother?? I don't want to ruin his birthday... Please share if you have any suggestions!
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Long distance Breakup
Relationship Stress / by thewander
Last post
 August 2nd, 2017
...See more My boyfriend decided to leave for a while because he was not sure of how we are going to work out in long term, and he was confused about certain things, like how he couldn't compromise in visiting back and fourth because of college (but of course to me i understand him if he needed to save money - so it sound like an excuse), and how he thinks i was unhappy with him. I told him he could have his space and go figure out things for himself and we decided on that. Then after a few days later, he told me that he want to be with me again since i said that i was happy with him. Though he did say that he does not believe in long term, and that this is only for the sake of being happy - which doesn't seem right to me. Also, not believing in long term basically mean i am not sure if he is willing to put effort in our relationship or will it be more of me doing all the work, and that thought will be stuck in my mind so in the end, we were friends for some reason. He called me every 2-3 days, and every time i hear his voice or texts, it hurts me a bit inside, especially when he was being somewhat flirty, and reminding me of the past and saying he loves me even though he know he shouldn't say it. I realized i needed to fully heal so i told him i cannot be friends for now, maybe in the future but i need time coping with my feelings and he do too, so we should not talk. He agreed but it was 3 days until he started texting me, saying he miss me and updating me his life until when i realized, he is starting to text me so casually just updating me about his life from now, plus other things that reminded him of me (and he told me i don't have to response if i don't want to). After that, i told him to stop and reminded him of what we discussed before - not contacting for a while because we can't be friends right now. This time, he responded saying he want me back, not friends and has been texting me every other day. He said he want me back and miss me so much and that he want to visit my country next summer before his college and he want me to be with him. After i didn't answer his text for 2 days, he texted me using other apps that we are using together, fb, instagram - saying basically the same thing which is please look at his texts and consider because he miss me and love me so much and he want me back as a girlfriend. To be honest, it has been a total of 13 days since we last talk and i am still not sure how i feel about this idea of getting back together. We didn't end due to argument, and it was never bad in the begining anyway. There were nothing too intense about our breakup because we talk about it and agreed. I still love him and miss him very much even though i haven't shown him any of my vulnerable side through out the breakup and i have just been cold and trying to accept the situation and move on as fast as i can. I feel like he is being selfish because he has not think about my feelings and only think of himself and his benefit. I seriously don't know what to do. It has been 3 days since i haven't responded to him and it feels like i am ignoring him. But i know that if i say something, he will just go on and text me and i will never be able to heal. I want to get back with him and it's killing me to resist the temptation to text him back but at the same time i know that it might be too soon for us. I feel like he is lonely and is not thinking straight and still unsure about what he wants? I don't want to get hurt again... What should i do?
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