advice from anyone with experience, or male friends
Not sure if I can post this here, but I really need some advice. My boyfriend's younger brother got a new girlfriend and they're coming back home to see him. My boyfriend is not that close (doesn't talk much) with his brother's gf but they've seen each other sometimes in family meetings (with me as well). Then, now they've broken up and his brother texted me in planning to surprise his brother for his upcoming birthday with coming back home and introducing his new gf. He asked me doesn't it sound like a fun idea, but I'm not sure. I mean it's his brother's birthday after all so wouldn't it ruin his day knowing something unexpected like this? I would like to hear some opinions if you have a brother or if you yourself was in this situation, would you mind or you don't really care because it's your brother?? I don't want to ruin his birthday... Please share if you have any suggestions!
@thewander
I completely understand why you're feeling distressed. This is a tough decision for you, especially since you're not sure how your boyfriend will feel about meeting his brother's new gf so suddenly. I also see his brother's point in just wanting to share his joy and happiness with his brother.
However, I think the decision ultimately depends on how your boyfriend felt about his brother's gf. As in- was he friendly or ambivalent? Additionally, does he know that his brother broke up with his former girlfriend? If he has strong feelings about that breakup, then maybe it's not a good idea for his brother to surprise him by bringing a new one home on his birthday.
Ultimately, it's your decision whether to cooperate with his brother in planning out this surprise or not. If you're still feeling uncomfortable, then I'm sure it's also perfectly fine to give an excuse and remove yourself from the role of planning out the surprise.
Hope that helps! I know family dynamics can be so difficult, especially with your partner's family.
@Gilbird
Thank you for your insight!!. This was really helpful for me. I'm glad to see a perspective from a third person looking in because I was afraid it was only me who's feeling strange about this 'surprises plan'. :) I did indeed back out from the surprise silently but it still got carried out and it was not the best but... I was glad everything could end smoothly.
@thewander
Hi, I'm so glad that I could be of some help and that it somewhat worked out. These situations are really hard and your intuition was definitely warning you about it. I'm glad you could do what was best for you in that situation. (:
