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tidySpring9329
3 127 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceJune 10, 2026
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I’m tired of thinking about sex
Relationship Stress / by tidySpring9329
Last post
 June 10th
...See more My sexual dynamic with my boyfriend is shaped not only by a difference in libido, but also by a difference in the way each of us experiences and builds desire. In my case, desire doesn’t appear immediately. I need it to build up slowly, through small moments of tension, playfulness, flirting, or closeness over the course of several days. For me, those moments shouldn’t necessarily mean that we are going to have sex right then and there. Instead, they help me fantasize, feel connected, and allow my arousal to progress naturally, without feeling pressured. A little over a year ago, I explained this to him. However, he told me that he couldn’t maintain those small moments because he gets aroused too quickly, and it frustrates him to stay in that state without anything else happening afterward. So he preferred to wait until I directly wanted to have sex, in order to avoid feeling frustrated. The problem is that this dynamic ended up leaving me alone with the responsibility of activating my own desire. Since those gradual moments between us were no longer happening, I had to make a mental effort to think about things that would stimulate me and try to get myself into a state of desire on my own. Little by little, it started to feel like a task, not something natural. On top of that, I started to feel like I couldn’t play, flirt, or have small moments of sexual tension anymore, because I was afraid of “activating” him and then making him frustrated if nothing else happened. So an important part of the way I connect with him became blocked. I could no longer express myself freely because I felt like any gesture could create an expectation. Over time, the topic of sex became mentally exhausting. It wasn’t just about deciding whether I wanted to have sex or not, but also managing everything around it: making sure he didn’t get frustrated, preventing him from interpreting my lack of desire as rejection, trying to stimulate myself on my own, controlling my signals, and feeling like I had to handle the whole topic very carefully. That’s how I got to this point of exhaustion. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love my boyfriend or that I don’t care about the relationship. It means that the way I experience desire needs progression, playfulness, freedom, and calm, but the dynamic that developed made desire stop feeling shared and start feeling like an individual responsibility. Has anyone else experienced something similar? And how did you work through it?
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There is no space for me
Relationship Stress / by tidySpring9329
Last post
 June 10th
...See more Some context: I live in a family house that is divided into six parts, one for each nuclear family. My nuclear family’s home is on the second floor, but there are six of us, and the space is extremely limited. Everything is cramped, no one has their own room, and there is only one bathroom. It was 2019 when my grandfather fixed up a room on the first floor that was going to work as a living room. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a space where I could just be myself. It was a big room with a table, a few sofas, and a bookshelf. There, I could study, exercise, paint, listen to music, and hardly anyone ever came in. I could escape from my mother’s yelling and the mess in my house. Having that room during the pandemic was the best thing, because living in such a small space with several people there all day was really overwhelming. But then 2021 came, and my grandfather passed away. He was the person who made decisions about the main house. Little by little, I watched that big, empty room turn into a storage room. Now almost three quarters of the entire room is filled with tools, models, water containers, bicycles, and I don’t even know what else. And I feel sad, because I want to be at home. I want to have time for myself, but there is nowhere for me to be. There is no way to change things unless my dad buys a house, which is impossible. And I don’t know what to do to stop feeling this way. My boyfriend tells me that I should focus on the good things. And yes, I understand that, but how am I supposed to focus on the good things when, every time I go to study, I run into that pile of stuff? And if I want to rest, there is too much noise at home. I feel trapped. I can’t do anything here, and I can’t go anywhere else either. Going somewhere else means being with someone, but I want to be alone, or with my cat, but with no one else.
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Today my boyfriend told me, “You’re never happy with anything.”
Newbie Hub / by tidySpring9329
Last post
 June 11th
...See more I think he might be right, but it makes me feel sad. I told him that I couldn’t really take my afternoon nap because my family was making noise or kept waking me up several times. He told me that I could go sleep at his house instead, and that I could stay over as many times as I wanted. I replied that it would be nice, but that being at his house for most of the day would mean spending less time with my cat and with myself. That’s when he answered with that phrase. It’s not the first time I’ve told him that my family interrupts my sleep, or that I’m unhappy about something at home, and I understand that he’s trying to find a solution for me. However, I just wanted to complain a little. Maybe it’s true, and I’ll never be happy with anything.
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I have friends, a partner, a cat, and family, but I still feel lonely.
20 & Over / by tidySpring9329
Last post
 June 10th
...See more I don’t feel like I have a support network. My friends have other friends who are much closer to them, so we only meet up from time to time. In my family, I only really have my cousin, but she isn’t doing well either. My partner doesn’t understand me; he doesn’t like seeing me upset, and in his desperation, he tries to fix everything before fully listening to me. So in the end, all I have is my cat.
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