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totoro111
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts72 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceNovember 6, 2022
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how do you know if it’s worth fighting for?
Relationship Stress / by totoro111
Last post
 January 4th, 2023
...See more hello everyone, i just wanted a general answer to this vague vague question. i love my partner so much and i know he has a lot of love for me as well. but i both feel as we are just so drained and lost and we can’t find the answers. maybe i should’ve added in the title, how do you know it’s worth fighting for vs when it’s not. id love to hear your thoughts, thank you
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can’t bring myself to leave.
Relationship Stress / by totoro111
Last post
 January 3rd, 2023
...See more to start, hello everyone i hope everyone is having a nice new year’s eve so far. my boyfriend and i have been struggling for a while now in our relationship, the main reason being both our mental health not being the greatest. i am struggling with a lot of anxiety and depressive episodes that has gotten me to lack motivation in a lot of life. whilst my boyfriend is struggling with not really being present in his own life in a sense where he feels lost and he’s stuck in this routine living the same days over. we’ve had a rough couple days. with the anxiousness, whenever i go to panic mode because my thoughts move at 1000 miles isn’t only solution is to talk about it. which i’m aware that it’s never going to be the best solution acting on feelings or impulse. i called him the other night because of it and he was very willing to listen to me. we stayed up till 7 am talking about how we both felt with ourselves and with each other. it was a lot of back and fourth trying to figure out if being in a relationship was what was best for us. we would both go back and fourth because we would bring up breaking up and how that was just impossible to picture, it was just an emotional taxing night for both of us, we just didn’t have the answers for each other but we love each other so much and we knew we were both hurting for different reasons. i mentioned things i’d never told him, a lot of the pain i went through alone because i didn’t want to worry him or bother him and he cried for so long. he was hurting, saying he’s never had someone care for him so much and that it was surreal and he felt like *** for not being the person i ‘deserved’. i didn’t see it like that though, it hurt me to see him feel so guilty because i never thought of him as less. i came to his house next day (on impulse, shocker..) and basically had the same conversation but this time it felt worse considering i know we were both running on basically no energy. i regret going because we should’ve had the space to compose, but i was too anxious and the idea of being uncertain of what we were going to do had sent me over the edge. i saw the look on his face when we would talk and i bet i had the same. just drained. when i asked him what he wanted again, he said “i don’t want either” and he explained that he didn’t want to leave because he didnt want to do this without me, he didn’t want to break me even more and that just being alone would’ve been better for everyone. then he explained he didn’t want to stay if something like this would happen again and hurt either of us more. when he mentioned both it had left me honestly left me confused. i always believed in him despite how he felt about himself because i know he’s a good person, he’s been through so much and continues to be the person he is. hearing him talk about how how bc of how he feels he goes into his own little world because he doesn’t want to feel anything just hurt me. all of it hurts, i don’t know what to do.
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love is there, but why are we struggling?
Relationship Stress / by totoro111
Last post
 December 1st, 2022
...See more hello, to add context to the title, my boyfriend and i have been going through a difficult time. it is hard to describe and i almost feel silly for saying it is difficult, because of course what in life feels consistently easy? i describe it in a sense where it’s complex and not very linear. over a month ago, my partner and i decided to give each other space after our 1 year lil celebration. we struggled with communicating our feelings and we realized we were hurting each other by doing so. we wanted to think for ourselves without the pressure of hurting each other, any expectations, etc. when we came back from the break, we both felt stronger from it and we both talked about our ‘piece’ (from what we’ve learned to what we wanted to do moving forward). it wasn’t only that conversation as well, we’ve continued to have it if we felt like we needed to bring it up. but besides that, i thought we had grown stronger with the things we felt weak prior to when we had that time apart. weve been doing our own things day by day, enjoying each other when we can and it’s been good when it’s been good. but we definitely struggled with the transitional period of getting back into the ‘groove of things’. but we made the best of it. but of course we had our moments as well where we struggled a bit. currently, my partner has been struggling with feeling lost in his life. i know it’s a very common feeling as i have felt the same, but he described it to me where he can’t feel anything (involving his emotions). so that’s why as of recent he’s been not as communicative with how he feels when we talk. we had a talk one day that had me being very vulnerable about my feelings and him coming off closed off. it ended on a bad note but that same night before he left to go out with his friends he had messaged me how sorry he felt about how he was responding to me and how he couldn’t stop thinking about us. when he had gotten home, he had messaged me again saying he had read the letters i had wrote to him in the past and he was just emotional. that night we stayed up talking till 7 in the morning. he wanted to do better and he felt ashamed that he couldn’t give me any vulnerability or any of his genuine thoughts and he was hurt for hurting me. i was hurt because of how he spoke to me but it didn’t compare to the hurt i felt when he explained how sad and lost he felt. it’s been about a week since that talk and like before, we’ve had moments that felt normal and great. but there is just that underlying tense/awkward feeling. we are going with the flow but it almost feels like we aren’t doing anything to feel better in the relationship. i just feel almost scared to be vulnerable because i don’t want him to feel this guilt or pressure. i want to also consider how he feels as well of course. with these feelings or lack of going on, he doesn’t know how to navigate it so he just suppresses it and moves forward but we both see how it’s affecting us. he doesn’t know what to do and i don’t either, i don’t know how to navigate it. i love and care for him a lot but i don’t know what to do, i know that i can offer my support and tell him that i’m always here for him. but since he feels so lost he feels he’s limited on applying effort to not only our relationship but other things. im sorry if this came off sloppy and it doesn’t make any sense.
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rough patch
Relationship Stress / by totoro111
Last post
 November 9th, 2022
...See more hello, i hope everyone is doing okay right now. my boyfriend and i are going through a rough patch right now and it seems to be stressing both of us in ways we can relate and can’t relate. we had taken a break/grace each other space for about over a week so we can figure things out about ourselves and what we wanted to do for our relationship and more without the pressure of hurting each other. now that we have started talking and seeing each other again we are having a hard time coping with the transitional stage of the aftermath of a break. weve established what we wanted to do for ourselves and each other and what we wanted from one other but we are struggling to get intro the groove again because it still feels fresh i think. we almost just fear that we won’t go back to feeling natural or ‘normal’. weve been talking and seeing each other again since last week but we just recently again had an emotional talk where we both were feeling scared and lost. we were both blaming ourselves in a sense like “how did we let this happen?” because we knew we loved each other so much and what we had was so great. but what happened? after we had let our feelings out bout how we both felt like we were both to blame, we established that we wanted to make it work but instead this time instead of going into our goals saying “i’ll try” we’d say “i’ll do”. we acknowledged that trying is good but we didn’t want to make excuses because we want to be with one another so bad. we told each other what we wanted from one another and we’ve set that. but now i’m just struggling how to cope from here. we ended on a good note last night but how do you get into the groove of things again? how do you rekindle with your partner after a rough patch working through these things? i sound like such a mess because my mind is so scrambled so i apologize.
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