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toughPapaya1551
1 1,256 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts99 Forum posts72 Forum upvotes69 Current upvotes69 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2025 Member sinceOctober 15, 2022
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Dating or just friends?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 May 7th
...See more I met this girl on Reddit, and it turned out we live only a few minutes apart and share the same interests — especially motorcycles. Within a day of chatting online, we met in person at a motorcycle shop and ended up spending the whole day together. At the end of that first date, I tried to hold her hand and go in for a kiss, but she made it clear that touching was off-limits for her, which I understood since it was only the first date. On our second date, I asked her directly if she even liked me, because she still avoided physical touch and even hugging her felt like pulling teeth. That’s when she told me that physical affection is very intimate for her and that she wants to be friends before dating. I told her I couldn’t do that — that I didn’t just want to be friends — and we hugged goodbye. Later that day, she texted me saying she thinks she isn’t over her ex and another guy she saw about six months ago, who used her sexually and left after a month. I understood that pain, and after thinking about it, I texted her back saying I’d be open to being friends first as a way to build something real. She was happy about that and said she didn’t want to lose me, that she loved being around me, and that she felt we were on the same page. Leading up to our third date, things turned more intimate. Our phone conversations got sexual — she asked me questions about sex and relationships and even sent me a couple of ***. She told me that on our upcoming date she wanted to hug me, kiss me, and give me oral by the water, but she laughed and said she could only do one, not all three, even though she wanted to. I told her honestly that even just holding her hand for five seconds would make my night. Then, out of nowhere, she started texting less — short and dry messages on Thursday and Friday. Saturday morning, the day we were supposed to go out, she texted saying that she thinks what she wants right now is friendship in general, and that she probably won’t end up dating me. She said she doesn’t want me to keep getting close only to get hurt. The “I think” and “probably” made it sound like she wasn’t completely sure, and I reminded her she had confirmed the date the night before, so I still wanted to see her. We ended up going out anyway, talking at a park, and I told her she was worth the risk and the wait. What made it confusing is that she’d already called me “husband material,” joked about checking me out when I took off my sweatshirt at dinner, and during that same hangout — even after saying she wanted to be “friends” — she talked about marriage, gender roles, and partnership. She told me that she trust me and that only people she trust in her family get to see like 60% of her and that the other 40% of her is just utter stupidity but between us it's our own joke that we're *** so it was her way of connecting I guess. We agreed on almost everything, and she even said we should come back to that same park next week to see the sunset and grab pizza. She also mentioned she’d love to make s’mores with me sometime in my backyard since she’s never had them before. When I dropped her off, she said it was a good day, gave me two thumbs up and a hug, and as she opened her door, I asked, “I’ll see you next Saturday?” She said, “Yeah, we’ll talk.” Since then — Sunday through Tuesday — her texts have been dry again, just like after she sent me those *** two days before our third date. On Wednesday and Thursday, she hasn’t replied to my last two messages, where I told her I had a rough day but would rather tell her in person over pizza, and that I was sorry if I seemed distant. I also mentioned Saturday around sunset again, asking her to let me know when she could. She hasn’t responded yet, but she did mention before that sometimes she goes a few days without texting anyone, which I’ve been trying to respect. I’m thinking about reaching out again Friday to confirm plans for Saturday since she was the one who suggested we go back to the park and get pizza. She says she wants friendship, that she’s scared to get hurt again, and that she needs to take her time — but she still flirts, asks sexual and relationship questions, and acts like we’re dating whenever we’re together. So my question is: do I keep seeing her and hope she heals from what’s holding her back and eventually takes a chance on me? Because she knows I like her, and I’ve told her I know she likes me too. I can tell this fear is what’s in the way, not a lack of interest — and when I said that, s he didn’t deny it.
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Pay her back?(Reach out)?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 July 7th, 2024
...See more I'm here to ask if I should reach out to my ex gf who I was with for 2 years. This upcoming January of 2025 it will be 2 years since the breakup. It was all during COVID, and while I was a broke college student in a physical therapy program with no car, no time, and definitely no money. I promised her, from the very first date, which I had to split with her, that I would pay her back when I wasn't a broke college student. She paid her half without hesitation. She has a boyfriend now. I saw her Spotify playlist pic of them. One who she's been with since 4 months after our breakup. Which means they met earlier then that. The same guy who she said she "didn't replace me" with. And that I "didn't know the full story". She has posted him all over her social media. She said she thought it was "right person wrong time" due to me being in school, COVID, my brothers issues I had to help out with at home, no car, no money, and her not being in school yet. She's in school now 4 hours away. Should I pay her back with a message attached to the payment? I have the message saved on my phone if anyone wants to see and offer some advice? I've been getting therapy, and yes...I *** up. (If you've seen THE BEAR, the show, *spoiler warning*.......I basically did the Carmen freezer speech to Claire...to my ex's face, when we were arguing about how to deal with her dad's ultimatum.) No cheating or abuse or anything was involved, but I reacted and said *** out of anger and resentment towards her parents expectations of me at the time and took it out on her in the arguments and with my comments. Her parents are old school and expected me to just press a button and be where I'm at now, but back then. Do I pay her back? I want to. I took her virginity, and she was my first serious relationship. I was her 2nd serious relationship. Her first was in highschool. Obviously I want her back. Please let me know your honest thoughts, I can give more detail if needed. But I tried to make it as short as possible
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Met a girl with Bipolar, went bad
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 July 29th, 2024
...See more I met a girl from bumble and we went on 3 dates. Everything was going well, we had long talks about what we wanted from a partner in a relationship and what we think we did wrong in our past relationships. I texted her yesterday asking if she'd ever pick me up and drive me in her car on days when I'm tired since I drive all day for work. After I said that I said "Cuz trauma lmfaooo" in which I was referring to me driving my brother all around and being the "3rd parent". She took that as me referring to me being my ex girlfriends Uber and she then went off on me about how I compare her, and am "testing" her. She went to sleep and texted me in theoring that she didn't want me to think she was giving me the silent treatment, since I told her I don't like it when my ex did that to me. And basically she went to therapy today, came out of it, and told me she didn't wanna see me anymore and that she didn't like the way I made her feel by being super blunt whenever she talks to me. She had also said she used to be very blunt and she realizes she is sorry for being blunt to her friends because she says she doesn't like how it feels. I feel this got blown out of proportion when I wasn't even referring to my ex gf originally, but my brother, and she took that and went off in 10 different directions. She said she was also mad that I didn't know why she was mad, and that I couldn't see her Pov even though she explained it 5 times to me. I asked her if she was this upset because of the bipolar because I had no other idea what it could have been, which of course, led to her calling me a A-hole. Was I wrong? She really was cool and we did like each other, she sent me back her money from our dates without me even asking about it, and told me to throw out her sweater she left in my car. Today was supposed to be our fourth date
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It's been 1 years and 17 days
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 March 2nd, 2024
...See more It's been a little over a year since I last saw my ex gf in person and got to hold her and kiss her and talk with her. I've accomplished so much since then. I finished school. Am making adult money. Paying off debt. And finished all the things that got in the way of my ability to be in the relationship completely. School took my time. I had no money. I didn't have a car. I don't get financial help from my parents. She does. She got into a new relationship 4 months later. And here I am, over a year later....still missing her. I do sincerely feel pathetic. Regardless of praise I get from loved ones and friends. But all I ever wanted was the relationship I had with her. But I got it at the worst time. During COVID, and during my physical therapy program. Idk why we had to meet at such a bad time. But I just wish I got to meet her now when I have the time and money to "live a little" and make her feel like the priority she said I never made her feel like. Regardless of the fact she knew all the stress I was under. Idk if I'm asking for help or just using this as therapy because I can't start therapy until the summer once my school devt, CCs, and Car are paid off. But I just wish she would understand what life is like being poor. Even when living at home, it's hard. Meanwhile she gets her car and school paid for, and a CC she can just swipe and her father pays it. I just feel pathetic and feel in the same spot as I was a little over a year ago. And I think I subconsciously work a lot, yes to pay off debts ASAP...but to give myself a financially plausible excuse to not go to therapy and deal with what I feel. I miss her so much
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