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toughPapaya1551
1,079 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts90 Forum posts58 Forum upvotes60 Current upvotes60 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceOctober 15, 2022
Recent forum posts
It's been 1 years and 17 days
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 March 2nd
...See more It's been a little over a year since I last saw my ex gf in person and got to hold her and kiss her and talk with her. I've accomplished so much since then. I finished school. Am making adult money. Paying off debt. And finished all the things that got in the way of my ability to be in the relationship completely. School took my time. I had no money. I didn't have a car. I don't get financial help from my parents. She does. She got into a new relationship 4 months later. And here I am, over a year later....still missing her. I do sincerely feel pathetic. Regardless of praise I get from loved ones and friends. But all I ever wanted was the relationship I had with her. But I got it at the worst time. During COVID, and during my physical therapy program. Idk why we had to meet at such a bad time. But I just wish I got to meet her now when I have the time and money to "live a little" and make her feel like the priority she said I never made her feel like. Regardless of the fact she knew all the stress I was under. Idk if I'm asking for help or just using this as therapy because I can't start therapy until the summer once my school devt, CCs, and Car are paid off. But I just wish she would understand what life is like being poor. Even when living at home, it's hard. Meanwhile she gets her car and school paid for, and a CC she can just swipe and her father pays it. I just feel pathetic and feel in the same spot as I was a little over a year ago. And I think I subconsciously work a lot, yes to pay off debts ASAP...but to give myself a financially plausible excuse to not go to therapy and deal with what I feel. I miss her so much
Genuine interest vs Role?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 February 19th
...See more So I'm seeing someone I met before I met my ex gf. I've seen her 4x so far, and 2x has been in her apartment. She's a dominitrix and she makes me "spoil her" to go over.....so.....yeah idk. She has offered to take me shopping for clothes, take me to art galleries, and let me take her out to dinner sometime. She works in fashion and art industry. She's also made us play a card game called "We're not really strangers" which was nice. And then she quizzed me to see if I can remember all her favorite artists and exotic color names she uses in her art lol. But she also told me she has 2 boyfriends and is in a polyamorous relationship and one of them is her ex so she "really isn't even that into it". She's also told me that "I'm here favorite pet". We went to a bar one time and like....she became very submissive, which is weird, after I like opened doors and stuff for her. And last time I went to her house, she kisses my cheek and we hugged, and she hugged me tighter midway through. Is her offering to take me shopping and stuff and go on actual dates coming from her? Or just because she likes to have the role of a dominitrix? We don't see each other that much since we both are busy with our careers, she's in fashion/art and lives in the city, and I'm a PTA in the suburbs but the drive is only 30 minutes to her place which isn't bad. But we both have genuine respect for each other, and she keeps asking me to open up to her and speak my truth, but she knows I'm hesitant because I did that before and my ex left (to be honest, there was other stuff going on that led to that breakup, so I don't think me opening up necessarily even caused the breakup directly). Is this girl genuinely into me? Is it just the role? I do like to take things slow, but idk how she feels, or if she likes feeling dominant over me Any advice? I know this is weird
Am I enough for someone?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 January 13th
...See more I'll make the backstory just a few sentences: Got into a relationship in 2020. I was a broke college student studing the same field as my ex gf. She said she never felt like a priority because I couldn't plan dates or take her to a park. I didn't have a car because all my mom went towards school. Her parents also didn't like that I didn't plan dates, meanwhile her dad was a doctor and acted like COVID wasn't happening. I am finally working, having finished school, and between my salary job and weekend side job, I make 90k a year. I have 10k in credit cards to pay off and I still live at home, I just turned 26. I feel like I "did everything right" and still got punished for it. I don't mean to sound like I'm sorry for myself since I know people have things a lot worse, but she was with me when I had nothing, a year before my life changes, she leaves, after having stuck by side for 2 years. Her parents gave her a ultimatum to break up with me or she "wouldn't have parents" anymore. She's 24 now. Am I enough?
Full circle?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 January 8th
...See more You might have my name memorized at this point with how much I post 🙃. My life changes tomorrow for the better. I start a adult job, after 6 years of schooling. It's a year since my ex gf hugged and kissed me, but said she wanted to break up and not get back together. I haven't seen her since, and the last time I texted her was 4 months after that. We are now blocked. I can't sleep, primarily due to nerves for tomorrow at the new job. But also because I remember this day last year I was going to sleep worrying if the next day would be the last time I ever saw my ex gf. I do miss her. She should have been here to see this and all the hard work pay off so I can finally afford dates and stuff. But she's not here. She's in the same career field I'm in and she herself is now in school.....and in a new relationship with someone who is not in school. So she's kinda living my shoes when we were together. I'm seeing other girls here and there. But I still love my ex. Just wish she got to see it pay off. Even if it did take me 6 years to do, and 2 of those consisting of her and a pandemic all at once. I can finally make her the priority I wanted to. The priority she said she never felt like due to my school, and other family stuff going on with my little brother, and COVID. And she's not here. Idk. Like, I feel like I won, everyone says how proud they are of me. But I still think about her all the time. And how I could finally do everything she wanted, not because she wanted me to do certain things, but because I wanted to, I just couldn't afford to then and had to wait another 2 years. I've been waiting my whole life to start my life (I don't get financial help from my parents, she does/did). I guess just keep going. Anyone who sees this. The sacrifices are worth it in the long run, even if they seem like it at the time. I just hope she's taking care of herself and safe I really do miss her Even if I feel pathetic for loving her 1 year later
Therapeutic?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 January 4th
...See more Today is my birthday, this time last year I was going into the hardest semester of my physical therapy program. And a breakup with my ex gf. Now I am fully licensed, and start my full time position on Monday. She broke up with me on new years eve, and we spoke in person Jan 8th for 6 hours in my new first car I recently got. I am planning to go back to that place and reflect on the progress I've made in my own career life and finishing school and I guess "facing" what happened there one year ago. Her parents said I would live off her because I didn't take her out to dates or pay for her gifts. I was a broke college student, and since her dad was a doctor, I figured he would understand how stressed school can make you. He didn't. (His father just paid for his medical school). I put myself through school all by myself. No help from my parents. I'll be making 75-90k per year as a salary position and some extra stuff on the side. I still love my ex. I still resent her parents. She's in a new relationship with someone. She got with him 4 months after we broke up. She told me "I didn't replace you. You don't know the full story." We are blocked everywhere. The guy is so fat, works at a bank, and has a history degree he doesn't use. He is 3 years older then my ex. I'm 2 years old then my ex. I'm just so mad she replaced me so quickly, let alone with such a downgrade. She is also overweight. I take care of myself with the gym. Idk if she maybe just feels more comfortable around him since he's also overweight. I honestly don't know. We were together for 2 years. During COVID. I miss her. But I'm mad at her. I hate her parents for getting in the way. I'm finally in a position to be in a relationship, the one I had, the one I wanted with her, but I couldn't even have it then, because of school getting in the way. I wanna pay her back for the dates she paid for. I had promised I'd pay her back when I wasn't a broke college student. I hate my birthday. She's the only one I liked to hear "happy birthday" from. Do I pay her back? She's in physical therapy school now, so I'm assuming she finally understands how stressed I was and why I couldn't "make her a priority" as she would put it. For those that recognize this story, sorry for posting again, it's a year and despite the progress I know I've made personally, I still feel this need to prove myself. A need she said she had her whole life due to her parents, and after 2 years with her...it's like that need bled onto me. And it's still bleeding when I tought that by this point, I'd be truly over her, and I'm not. I still go on dates and stuff, but it's honestly just distractions. Idk how to forget her, let alone her parents and all the stuff they'd say about me that my ex would even get upset about
1 year since breakup irony
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 December 25th, 2023
...See more I'm not going into the details, I've posted enough on this app lol, but I just wanted to see if you anyone thinks my "feelings" are reasonable. Basically, my ex gfs parents judged me for not being a spoiled 23 year old, and being too busy for a relationship, especially during the middle of a pandemic. They said I'd live off their daughter. Her father is a doctor, and his father spoiled him by just paying for his med school. I'm 26 in January. I am about to start my first home health SALARY job as a physical therapist assistant at $70,000 a year. And I also can see a few extra patients after my shifts or on the weekends at 45-50$/hour/visit. We shared the same career goals in physical therapy, and she's now in the same program I was in but in a different school. I did promise her I'd pay her back when "I wasn't a poor college student", but i do want to send her parents the like $200 they spent on a "surprise birthday dinner" they had for me at a steak house. (Mind you, they know I hate fancy ***, and never even asked me what I'd like for my birthday....in the middle of COVID...again...her father is a doctor.) I would like to send her the 600-800$ or so to her Venmo and say "Promised I'd pay you back at Chili's when I wasn't a poor college student. Everything I couldn't afford to show/give. The itemized list is in your email." And in the email I'd also like to add the following including a itemized list of the flowers, chocolates, etc that I couldn't afford to give her during the relationship: "you're probably in the thick of it rn, it sucks, but it's worth it. You got this. Don't take anything under 80k your first 3 months after you pass the boards exam. Home health, I'm just a little biased lol. Good luck. You're gonna need it. God knows we all did. - F & A, Space number (F & A is forever and always, and space number was a term we would use as "I love you") And also send her parents and check in the mail with the money and say "Just because I couldn't afford to show it, doesn't mean your daughter wasn't the most important person in the world to me next to *her autistic sister*. Some of us are just self made." Am I being a ***? They said I'd live off her because I couldn't "just ask my parents for a car", and because I didn't pay for dates I couldn't afford. I was honest with her and said something along the lines of "you're lucky if you get McDonald's before I'm done with school." She was in a new relationship with someone 4 months later and gave me the runaround about how she didn't replace me etc. The last time I saw her was January 8th 2023. 4 days after my 25th bday. And now.....1 year later.... January 8th 2024....is the first day of my new salary position as a home health physical therapist assistant. Idk if that's God, or the universe, but it's so ironic. Am I being a ***? Do I have the right to feel this way?
Should be over it
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 November 10th, 2023
...See more Relationship ended almost a year ago. She has a new bf. I know what he does for work and how much he makes(25$ a hour at the most, we all live in NY). Her parents told her I'd live off her because I didn't take her to fancy restaurants, have a car, or buy her jewelry. I was putting myself through school during COVID and passed my boards exam in October. Family is giving me so much praise. They know that it still bothers me that my ex gfs parents said "He's gonna live off you". I'm about to be making $50 for every patient I see. That's 6 figures. Close to it. Or a little above it. Depends on how much I am willing to work. I finally have my freedom and independence. And on top of that, the patients I see are for a hour each....later on with a year or 2 experience....I can see patients for 30 minutes and still make the same money per visit. I wanted nothing more then to hold my ex gf and hug her when I found out I passed my boards and just tell her "thank you for waiting on me, now it's my turn to wait on you". She started the same program I did this September. My parents threw me a celebration dinner in the disguise of a early thanksgiving dinner with family. (I don't like the spotlight). This was the first shared holiday we have had as a family since the beginning of COVID, and it was so nice to be back to normal again. My ex gfs parents lived as if COVID didn't exist, meanwhile her father is a doctor. I know my ex is upstate enduring the program I had to and living at least to some extent the brutal stress of what I delt with. And I do feel bad, but she has to do it, for her future, but she's with someone else. I feel like she ended up with the person her parents said I was(he's got a degree he doesn't use and working a odd job)..... meanwhile I'm here making the money I'll be making, and I still feel like I failed. For the first time in my life, once I finally reached my goal....I feel lonely. Not alone, I've been alone in terms of friends and relationships because I'm so busy with school or work(I do have a emotionally supportive family) but for the first time in my life, I do sincerely feel lonely. Her bday is this month. January is the last time I saw her. Feel like the tables have turned drastically. I still have feelings for her, think I always will. I want to see her, but I'm scared I wouldn't want her back. And the irony is, I have this gut feeling she will be back once she realizes how stressful the program is and why I didn't have time to plan dates with her or even afford the gas to come see her...or....in a way.... something worse....her new bf tells her something like what she told me "I got tired of waiting for you for 2 years." I want to be over this. The guilt. The wishing she were here to see all of this. I just don't know what else to do to move on. She did in 4 months with a new bf. But I think he's a distraction to not deal with our relationship we had. I could have gotten into a new relationship 7 months after the breakup....I chose not to, I wasn't anywhere near ready, the girl and I stopped talking.(the physical aspects were nice tbh, but we would finish, and I'd miss my ex every single time). Just want to get out of this hole. And I'm sincerely scared that if we me and my ex somehow started talking again ....and met up ....I'd see what my family and friends tell me .....that she "isn't on my level(yet)". And I don't want to believe that, because she has so much in her that her own family suppresses because it means they'll lose their control. God I just miss her. I'm in such a different financial place and I actually have free time now, and a car, and no pandemic. I know lifes not fair, but I did everything "right" and she couldn't just wait for me ..... meanwhile had the shoe been on the other foot....I'd have waited for her so she could focus on her future career like i have done.
Am I a failure?
Relationship Stress / by toughPapaya1551
Last post
 October 17th, 2023
...See more In 2020, I met my ex during COVID, and we found several shared connections and career ambitions. However, things got complicated as her parents disapproved of our relationship, especially when it came to COVID precautions and the extravagant gestures they expected from me. Despite being financially responsible, her parents' lack of effort in getting to know me added tension, and their involvement eventually led to our break-up. Her parents said I would end up living off of her, meanwhile I was a typical broke college student putting himself through school and saving for my own car at the time. Interestingly, I learned that my ex is now dating someone new and mentioned that she's enrolled in a physical therapy program we had initially planned to get her into and I would visit once I had income and a car and none of the stress of the program i was in at the time. My recent success in becoming a licensed physical therapist and gaining financial independence stands in stark contrast to the earlier relationship dynamics. I'm unsure if she'll be able to handle the stress of the program she's in and her anxieties, and I wonder if she will ever establish boundaries with her family. I'm open to the possibility of reconnecting, but I doubt if she'll be able to make those necessary changes. These challenging years are now behind me as I embark on my career, while the complexities of our past relationship still linger. Despite going on dates with other people, I can't deny that I still have feelings for my ex, but I question whether she truly deserves my support at this point. Am I failure? We're her parents right about me? My family and loved ones are giving me so much praise for becoming a physical therapist, and I am happy, I did cry tears of joy...but I still feel this need to prove myself and make her parents see how wrong they were. But I still feel guilty for putting school first, I still feel like a failure, regardless of the fact I finally have my life back, a new life And advice would be appreciated.
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Reviewed Mar 30, 2024
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