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violetlune
308 M Embraced 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceApril 13, 2020
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Just a Space to Rant
Journals & Diaries / by violetlune
Last post
 May 13th, 2022
...See more I’m really getting to a point where I’ve run out of ways to deal with my current environment. I have no friends, my family pretends to be one, I barely know the people I work with. For context, I have five roomates (because we were super poor lol) and they’re the actual scum of the earth. I’ve never met such toxic, negative people. I’m moving out in two months thankfully, but the last two years here have been fucking hell. Everyday there’s something new they’re yelling about. The one other girl is the worst. She’s so critical and hateful, as if we didn’t get this place to help her and everyone else out equally. I do all the chores around the house because everyone else is too lazy to do it, but funny enough they can make comments and complain when it doesn’t get done. I’m constantly cleaning up after them. If I didn’t do anything they’d let dishes mold in the sink for months. Did I mention I’m the only financially responsible one? Idk how much they owe me in rent I’ve had to cover for them…sure I have a better job now and can budget around it, but for them to not be on top of bills and bitch about the house constantly is just a lot to be around. I have a partner that lives here too…idk what’s going to happen with that. He’s like a child I have to take care of. I’m in my early twenties and am essentially taking care of 5 adult children. One of the roomates just got here and lives in the living room, I’ve been getting their groceries and making their dinner. We’re working on getting them a job and back on their feet, but every day is just becoming more and more taxing. Idk how much more I can take. And I’m afraid that once I move out in a couple months I still won’t be happy. I have no idea what makes me happy anymore. It feels like everything has been snatched away from me. I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed a day. My birthday was this past Friday, and I spent the weekend listening to my partner complain about what we did to celebrate it. anyway, just needed to get that off my chest since I have no one to talk to.
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quarantine happenings
Journals & Diaries / by violetlune
Last post
 April 14th, 2020
...See more I guess this is the right area to post this? Idk y'all, quarantine has really not been good. I'm living with my toxic parents for the next month or so until I find a new apartment but while I'm here it's a struggle. Call me crazy, but I believe in spirits and have lived with them since I was little. I think them and I are both getting restless. As a witch I've never been scared of them, but sometimes the way they interact with me is strange. I was doing my makeup this morning and heard glass breaking but couldn't find a source which usually means the room needs a good cleansing but I haven't had the energy for it in a while. I haven't been able to sleep in my room for a couple months after my guinea pig passed away because the room is too quiet without his nocturnal noises lol. I sometimes communicate with spirit via dreams but I've had nightmares and interrupted sleep since he passed. I'm not even sure how to really explain that to a therapist without sounding crazy for my religious practices you know? Sleep sounds help a bit but it's hard to deal with the lack of sleep and my manipulative abusive mother.
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I guess I
Trauma Support / by violetlune
Last post
 April 14th, 2020
...See more I feel like after everything my family has put me through, the hardest incinsent I still deal with is the death of my pets. I cared for an African dwarf frog (Frodo) and rescued guinea pig (Bean) for over two years (got them a few months apart/ guinea pig wasn't planned but he needed a home on short notice). In early January 2020 my frog stopped eating. He passed 23 hours later. I remember holding Bean and saying you better not get sick anytime soon. Since Bean was rescued and had come to the shelter under strange circumstances, his age was unknown and we didn't know anything about his medical history, so really every day was a blessing with him. We were inseparable and I really came to rely on him when dealing with things in my life. I mean I did with Frodo too but he wasn't vocal or cuddly like Bean lol. Two days after Frodo's death, Bean stopped eating or drinking water. He stopped being active and I took him to an emergency vet clinic. They couldn't tell much at first, but gave some prescription food and said to come back in three day's. He died that night. I had given him a dose of his meds and gone to work. Two hours later I came back on my break for his next round, and found him in his crate. No one was home and I remember laying in the floor holding him and sobbing until my neighbor heard my screaming. For weeks after I couldn't go in that room without hearing myself scream in my head. It's still hard to sleep in there without his noises.
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hi I
Depression Support / by violetlune
Last post
 April 14th, 2020
...See more I'm really glad I found this app. I have a stutter and frequently mess up when I'm talking to people but typing I can def do. I've been struggling with depression and a panic disorder since I was about 13 (I'm almost 22 now) and generally find it really hard to talk about it with people I know or with therapists. It's like every time I go to a new one I can't get through the process of opening up and sharing everything ya know? There's good days and bad days and this quarantine has not been helping at all.
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