Have you ever felt like you couldn’t do or say something, fear of being ridiculed by your negative perception of yourself? Look no further to this very article! We will be working together to overcome your self-esteem challenges so you can be confident and love yourself.
This article uses an example person named Lola. Lola (they/them) is a teenager who suffers from low-self esteem and wants to overcome their self-esteem challenges. They go through this article and write down their experiences! You will see an excerpt of what they wrote, right after the description of the step. Let’s begin!
Step 1: Figure Out What Situations Make You Feel Inferior
The first step is figuring out what specific situations, places, conditions, or people make you feel not like your best self. For example, you may feel bad about yourself when you mess up presenting a speech in front of the class. When you become aware of these situations that lower your self-esteem, you can then work on them using the steps listed below.
Lola: They write down on a piece of paper some situations in which they feel inferior or times where they feel their self-esteem plummets. They notice they become really shy and feel horrible when it comes to conflicts in their class. They take a debate class, and they really love it, but they feel as if their points are invalid and will get ridiculed for it. This in turn makes them participate in class less.
Step 2: Make Note of Your Thoughts During Those Situations
The second step is making sure you reflect on certain thoughts or perceptions you have of yourself during those situations that trigger your low self-esteem. Do you feel like your opinions don’t matter? Do you feel like people will not like you or will laugh at you? Do you talk down on yourself and beat yourself up? Are your ideas and perceptions based on real facts or irrational fears? These perceptions can be negative, positive, or even neutral. Writing down these thoughts can help you pick up on any patterns you have, which can help you tailor the steps discussed in this article, to your needs.
Lola: They recognize how they talk down to themselves when they think of debate points. They notice how every time the teacher calls upon them, they feel panicky and think of the worst case scenario, which would be a classmate laughing at them and making fun of them behind their back. Lola knows this is an irrational fear because they know their points were praised by the teacher when they wrote an essay about the topic they were discussing in class.
Step 3: Challenge Your Thoughts
We can sometimes think of the most negative outcomes in situations. It’s part of human nature, however, it can negatively impact one’s self-esteem. You might feel like your opinions don’t matter, or that what you said or do is embarrassing. The thing is, no one can tell you what is or is not embarrassing. Everything is subjective in this world because everyone has different perspectives. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you’re valid in what you say or do. There are multiple things to think about when you challenge your thoughts. For example, you may say if you don’t get an A on this test, you’re a failure. This is called an all-or-nothing type of mentality. The thing is though, there is some middle ground. You could get a B or C, but as long as you tried your best, that is all that matters. You could be having a bad day or didn’t sleep well that night, so it’s not effective or healthy to put so much pressure on yourself. Another example is if a friend didn’t reply to your text message. You might think they are mad at you, but you should challenge your thinking and instead of thinking of the worst case scenario, you can say that maybe they are busy since they work at night and might be having a busy day. They will reply as soon as they can, and I have done nothing to make them upset. That type of thinking will boost your self-esteem because you are focusing on the things that can go right and things that are out of your control, are things you shouldn’t worry about since they most likely have nothing to do with you. In addition, the things you do do not determine your self-worth. As long as you put your best foot forward, you’re golden.
