Problem Solving & Acceptance

Goal

To be able to effectively resolve conflict and experience freedom from suffering caused by family stress

Problem Solving (Barlow, p. 445)

Problem solving facilitates a dialogue among family members about difficult conflict topics, provides a context to share emotional reactions to these problems, and helps develop a framework for defining, generating, evaluating, and implementing effective solutions to problems. Learning problem solving skills will help you to break broad problems down into smaller, more manageable units. Here are steps you can take to become more effective at problem solving:

1. Define the problem
2. Brainstorm all possible solutions without evaluating them
3. Consider each solution individually and weigh its advantages and disadvantages
4. Choose a best solution or combination of solutions
5. Plan and implement the chosen solutions

Problem Solving Exercise

Instructions: Resolve a conflict with a family member this week using the five problem solving steps listed above. Then answer the below questions to evaluate how it went:

1. What went well?
   _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. What did not go well?
   _____________________________________________________________________________________
3. Which of the five steps did you find most difficult and why?
   _____________________________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________________________
4. What specifically will you do differently the next time you’re in a similar situation?
   _____________________________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________________________

Acceptance (Fulton State Hospital, p. 71)

Freedom from suffering associated with family stress requires acceptance from deep within of what is. Let yourself go completely with what is. Let go of fighting reality. Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to accept the pain. Deciding to tolerate (endure) the moment is acceptance. Acceptance is acknowledging what is. To accept something is not the same as judging that it is good or approving it. Acceptance is turning my suffering into pain that I can endure.

Acceptance of reality as it is requires an act of choice. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road and away from the “rejecting reality” (“I don’t have to put up with this!” road. You have to make an inner commitment to accept. The commitment to accept does not itself equal acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step. You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance over and over and over again. Sometimes you have to make the commitment many times in the space of a few minutes.

Acceptance Exercise (Fulton State Hospital, p. 72)

Instructions: Identify the realities associated with your family that you’re refusing to accept, the behaviors you engage in when refusing to accept the realities, and how you experience suffering when not accepting the realities.

Realities that I am refusing to accept:

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________

Behaviors that I do when I am refusing to accept a reality (may look like a tantrum, giving up, manipulating, arguing, etc):

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________

How I experience suffering when I refuse to accept reality:

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________

Next Step

Need more tips for resolving conflicts? Watch the following video: