26

i will be 27 in september and i feel i no longer i have friends, and i struggle to make new ones. i have social anxiety among other things and i’ve lost so many friends over the years, i don’t know how to start a new circle. i have my fiancé, who i’ve been with for almost 7 years. and i have my best friend, my girl since we were 5 years old. my only other friend is someone i haven’t seen in person in too long. yet somehow, i have been struggling to be honest with any of them about my mental health lately. besides my three, i don’t have a group anymore. i used to, but they all left. i didn’t have many friends as a kid, i was severely bullied and my only friends ended up being homophobic abusive ***. when i was in high school, i found my circle and was happier than ever. the memories with my old friends live forever in my heart but that is all they are anymore, memories. my mental illness and trauma may have played a part, but most of them hurt me, left me, i didn’t do them wrong, they just left. now i am 26, engaged and dreading to start wedding planning because i don’t have people to invite, i don’t have bridesmaids, i don’t have people that would plan a party for me, i don’t have the support i once did. and i know, i have a fiancé, i have a best friend, that should be enough and believe me, THEY are enough, then why do i feel so alone? why don’t i talk to anyone or do anything? why am i struggling in silence?