I feel like a stranger everywhere I go

My entire life since I could develop conscious memories I've never once felt as though I fit in or "belonged" anywhere when I was younger I never had any friends or really talked to anyone my parents and family members would say "oh he's just shy *** grow out of it" 

fast forward to present day I am now 20 years old and I still feel exactly the same, I have no friends I don't go anywhere and anytime I do which isn't often I feel out of place and alienated from the rest of the outside world 

every day I see people laughing, smiling, going places and here I am on the outside looking in at everyone living there perfect lives while I struggle to find the will to live my own

and I've come to the conclusion that it's either there not feeling what I'm feeling or I'm not feeling what there feeling. And it's gotten to the point to where I'm not sure if any of this is even real any, most of the time I feel as if I'm merely existing or just reacting to life rather than actually living in it

the only thing that I remotely enjoy or derive a sense of hope from are my songs but even with that it's hard to believe that anyone could benefit from them

for everything just seems so meaningless, everywhere I go I'm always that guy in the background that no one even notices. I might as well be dead already.