I'll spend my birthday alone

For the 3rd time in a row.

On the 24th October I will be 23 years old. I'll be spending my birthday alone again.

I moved away from my family at 19. I was at my lowest back then, at least I thought so. They have taught me they won't be there for me in bad times, they kicked me out because I locked myself in my room, I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I don't have any friends and I'm alone in a big city.

Another year passed, I got a puppy from a shelter, and as of now he's the only reason i'm still here. He loves me, I would never want to leave him as lonely as I am right now. Yet still, this feeling of loneliness is overwhelming, it's getting hard to breathe sometimes, especially now that my birthday is getting closer, it makes me realize that time is just passing but I seem to be stuck somewhere in that timeline. Nothing is moving for me.

Ive tried to make friends, I'm not good at it. I'm terrible at it, which leads to people labeling me as awkward or weird. And I get it, I understand it. I can't dare anyone to like me or stick by me.

I have tried to look for help, but I can't find anyone I connect with.

I'm a student. I have no money to look for more help. I barely eat anymore, and before I eat, I make sure my puppy is full, only then I will care for myself.

I don't know what to do. My chest really hurts, I want to cry every time of the day. It really hurts.

I don't even know why i'm writing this, I guess I just want to rant.

I hope everyone else is having a great day however❤️