I'm very confused about this issue!
Hi, I'm 22 and I recently graduated from university. The thing is there is a friend of mine that we were really close. First of all we just talked but later he acted strangely so I felt he had a crush on me. One day he said you're my best friend and the next day he asked me to be near him after uni. (He works in another city that's why he wanted me to go with him.)
Or for example he called me "my dear" and things like that.
Now I'm tired of his different manners though I like him so much. I don't know what to do... He texts me some times but he has never said anything about his true feeling and now his doing his military service and I'm MSc student in another city.
What do you think I should do? How could know his true feelings? Also it's not common for girls to express their feelings in my culture.
@proactiveDog7157
Hi. The thing that caught my attention first: Why do you want to know his feelings? Maybe that is a good time to ask yourself about your feelings about him?
If he is crush on you, and you want to stop it on friendship level, how would you like it to make him know this, in a gentle but clear and assertive way?
You said you were tired of his behaviours: Maybe he has just been testing you? If you would have reacted instantly against calling you "My Dear", that could be a strong signal for him that you are not interested. His asking you to go with him somewhere could be a strong signal for you that he enjoys and got used to your company.
Sometimes friendship can be a good foundation for a long-lasting relationship, but I believe more often it can put a relationship into a "just friends", aromantic and asexual mode.
Thanks for ur massage but u know I said I'm tired of his behaviours because if he really has crush on me, why doesn't he do anything? Why does he just flirt?
In fact I'd like to have a more serious relationship with him.
@proactiveDog7157
All right, so it seems at least your feelings are clear 😊 and that would be good to make your boyfriend reveal his intentions about you.
Do you think some innocent, non-harmful, well-meant provocative action could help? 😊 I mean nothing that could create jealousy, but something that could require him saying or doing something.
I am really sorry if your boyfriend is like me: shy, undecided, better asking thrice than crossing any boundaries uninvited. Actually at least twice in my life I had to be provoked to hug or kiss someone whom I liked very much, and who, quite surprisingly, liked me.
Do you think him being in the military now, or him and you living in different towns might be the reason he is postponing telling you about his feelings?
Hey there,
It sounds like you're in a bit of a tough spot, feeling uncertain about your friend's intentions and how to move forward. It’s really understandable, especially when feelings are involved, and there’s a lot of mixed signals coming your way.
I get why you might be frustrated with his behavior. If he likes you but isn't clear about his intentions, it can leave you feeling confused and unsure. The thing is, some people are shy or afraid to make the first move—especially if they're not sure how the other person feels or if they're dealing with things like distance, military service, or other personal issues. He might be unsure of how to proceed or worried about damaging your friendship.
Given that you like him and want something more serious, maybe it’s time to be a little more direct with him. You don’t have to make a huge dramatic declaration, but a small, gentle nudge could help. Maybe you can casually ask him about how he sees your relationship or express that you’ve been thinking about the connection you have and where you’d like it to go. If he’s hesitant, you could tell him that you value the friendship but also want to know if he sees the possibility of something deeper between you two.
You mentioned the cultural context where it’s less common for girls to express their feelings. That could be another factor influencing how he acts around you. He might be waiting for you to take the first step, or he's simply not confident enough to bring it up himself.
As for the distance and his military service, it’s definitely possible that these things are affecting his ability to be clear with you right now. Sometimes, when life feels uncertain, people hold back on serious topics like this because they don’t want to add more pressure or complications.
You could try sending him a message that reflects your feelings—something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately, and I want to know how you feel. I really value our friendship, but I also want to understand if there’s something more there for you.” This could open the door for him to be more honest about his emotions and intentions.
Ultimately, you deserve clarity, and if he truly cares about you, he’ll want to give you that. Just make sure you're taking care of your own feelings in the process, too.
Best of luck, and remember to trust your instincts on this.
@proactiveDog7157 Hi! Some people can be really shy about these sort of things. Maybe he likes you but he's not sure how you feel. This can make it hard for him to open up because he is worried that he will be rejected. I know it may be tough to approach him as the woman, but I was really shy about this stuff when I was your age and I missed out on a lot of opportunities. Maybe he is struggling as much as you are. Just talk to him about it. Be honest, clear, and direct. I know it's scary. At your age I was not capable of that sort of thing, but now I really regret it. There were guys that I was interested in that were interested in me, but we both thought that the other person just wanted to be friends. Neither of us ever had the courage to just come out and say it. Sure it can be awkward. And if it doesn't work out it can be really upsetting. Trust me, from personal experience, you'll regret losing out on the opportunity of a potential something a lot more than you will regret being embarrassed. Just talk to him. I hope it works out! Good luck!