Overwhelmed

My name is Nichole. I’m new here and not really sure how this works. I don’t have a lot of friends, and the few that I do, I’m not at liberty to share personal things with. It seems as though every time I’ve trusted someone in the past it’s blown up in my face. Would like to talk to someone who doesn’t know me that has no motives. I feel so alone and lost right now. I’m 40 years old, divorced twice, I’m the process of trying to repair relationships with my children, trying to survive on my own financially. Im not very close to my family. I have a lot of issues with my mother and her personality that makes it difficult to share things with her or go to her for advice. I don’t have a lot of confidence in her. I’ve been in a lot of toxic relationships that have me questioning myself considering I’m the common denominator in the equation. I’ve seeing a guy that I met 8 months ago today and it’s been very emotional. I love him but it’s really unsettled right now. It’s become really hard to talk to him and feel close to him lately and I feel like we fight way more than we should. I’m a Christian but I’m far from perfect. I put a lot of stake in my relationship with God and where I stand with Him. I’ve tried to trust Him that everything would work out in my life but sometimes I get extremely discouraged. I really don’t know where to turn at this point. I feel like I’m never going to get out of this rut I’m in, like I’ll never have anything normal and healthy with anyone. I’m honestly don’t know if it’s me or if every person I encounter is just wrong for me? I’ve tried so hard to do things right and it feels hopeless.