Really need to talk to someone
I have been married 18 years. He's a good man who has treated me well and because he is so different than the losers I always had we married. I have not been nor do i love him him. Sex is non existent. Never Really was. More like roommates. I honestly feel so alone. I'm 45 and feel like if this is it so can't bear to do another moment. I have so much stress from other family issues . my mom is older and has issues. My grandaughter is just 10 and I am always stressed with her situation. I told my husband I want a divorce. I feel that without dealing with such a dillusional pretense of a real marriage I have one less thing to deal with. He basically disregards what I say. He thinks it midlife crisis . honestly have thought life is just sad which is why I need a change. I can move out which will cost several thousands. I dont have. How can I get anything through to him and why don't I care after 18 years ????
Hi @kysoul
Life is like a piece of music, it flows and changes through stages. And so do we, as individuals. That inevitably affects our relationships. In marriage, if you have not travelled/changed and touch based every so often to check you are still on the same page, you inevitably get to a place where something needs to happen.
Have you considered and tried couple’s therapy first? Marriage counselling? If there is anything in your marriage that you feel is worth at least giving it a go, you may want to try that first. Remember these things are a process and take a long time. Both partners have to be onboard and comitted to action the agreed steps as a contract/promise they are committed to trying to fix what is not working in the relationship, I.e. not making the other partner happy.
If you have been through the relationship mend attempt or feel that you are past that stage and have genuinely decided that you do not want to stay in this relationship any longer, then you need to action the steps to get you from A to B with strength and intent.
Why would you need to move out? Do you own a property jointly with your husband or are you renting. If former, take legal advice on what you need to do to start the proceedings. If you own a property together, you will have an equity steak in that asset so there will be ways of ensuring you get what is owed to you.
If your husband is not taking your ask for a divorce seriously and/or does not understand why you are in the place you are, as as first step I would suggest couple’s therapy. Few conversations with an outside/objective person can be very helpful in getting the couple to tell their sides of the story and listen to each other.
Best Wishes!