Sorry

I need help ,iam alone no friends nothing ,I don't know where to go !! I have been with my partner for 9 years,we don't live together ,I've developed anxiety and depression since but I've caught him on escort sites 8 times over the years ,I logged in on his phone so I know he's not been with meeting them..Yet .I caught him before Xmas n on sat ,I confronted him and he was crying etc saying again how much he loved me so again I said I would try but iv just got a row because I text him last night as I was quiet on the phone n felt bad but iv just had a row as I woke him up !! Wtf .I can't cope with the anxiety now n iv drank 5 days on the go and am now again because off this ..its not right that's not showing me he loves me..iam scared to be alone how do I let go ,iv nobody , how do I cope with breaking my own heart on top off depression n anxiety iam scared ,my head can't cope x