did you ever lose a person you love ?
did you ever lose a person you love ? is there anything you didn't said that you always wanted to say? tell me in comments.
Sadly, I've lost almost all of them. I haven't spoken to anyone but my husband, kids, and neurologist since at least 2019. The one that hurts most is my cousin. We didn't know each other well until I was diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy...she had it too and reached out to me. We became like sisters. I even moved 900 miles (which alienated my mother and the rest of the family) to see the same neurologist she did, as I was having trouble finding someone who had even heard of MSA.
It is eventually a fatal disease, and causes a lot of problems, physical and emotional. So while at first things were great, at times we fought...a lot. We just seemed to set each other off. One night it had gotten really bad. I told her that I loved her, but that I thought we should take some time apart before we said things that would permanently end our relationship. I told her I was muting her texts for a few days, but only because I wanted us to cool our tempers a bit so we could continue to support each other. And I muted her. Six days later, June 10, 2019 there was a fire at her home. She couldn't get out. I don't know what I could have said or done differently. It seemed the most loving and sensible solution at the time. But every single day since, I spend time wishing I had said or done something else.
@AuntieEm22
oh dear i feel so sorry. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
She also loved you like sister. Its okay if it didnt work out at a time, all relationships go that way. There is no real relationship where we don't fight, but it depends how we coperate with each other. Even while muting you were honest with her, we all are human and we need break and space. Don't be guilty, i know it is hard and at times you beat yourself up for this. JUST be kind yourself. she is in nice place.
thank you so much for sharing
@Armytae thank you so much for your kind remarks. Sometimes in my dreams I talk to her. I don't know if it is real, but I like to think it is. The first dream, I was crying and telling her how much I hoped she just went to sleep during the fire, that she never felt pain. The reply was "Kiddo, that doesn't matter anymore. For me it is as if it never happened. The only place that terror exists now is right here (she touched my head)." It was a very comforting thought, and I think it was a very true thought. Still miss her every day...so much. I wish I had unmuted and reached out one day earlier. But if it had led to another argument, I'd have felt so much guilt for that, too. Thanks again for your kind words. This is the first time I have talked about it with someone....it is difficult to talk about it, but also helpful to get these words out. Thank you.
@AuntieEm22
it is truely a comforting dream. What is no longer in your control, let it go. It's okay to overthink sometimes, reminisce memories, misss her, but remember to forgive yourself. I pray things go smooth with you. We all crave for understanding, to share that is in deep down in grave in us. it definitely took a lot of courage to take that all out. hope you make peace with it.
I have lost a lot of my loved ones..the one that hurts the most is my GMA. She hasn't died yet, but she has dementia and its gotten worse. She doesn't remember me anymore, or her great grands. I had a video call from my uncle and I could hear her in the background. She was having a fit like a toddler. Before she would have her good and bad days.she would even call me, but this hurts. I miss her so much. Its not the same. This was the woman who taught me to be strong, and soft. She taught me so much and now she's gone in a sense. I wanted to tell her how much I love her, how much I appreciated everything she did for me even when she didn't have it to give. As I write this I'm sitting here with tears rolling so forgive me if I flub a word. I never imagined losing her like this.
@chcltroses12
she is the women, who taught you to be strong and who stood with you in all your low and high. I have no words, i can't imagine how it must be felt to see her but can't share .... Dear, remember when you used to be small child, can't speak or say back much... but you as child still felt that love and care... same as when we grow older ... may be she can't recognize you but she can feel your love your prayer your support.
Thank you for your words. It helps more than you know.
