how to take our power back?
Hi, i am 32 female ,my first marriage ended because my bil was harrasing me all the etime and i asked my husband to make things right and talk to hs brother but he left me alone ,then i got married again but this guy was cheating on m efrom day one ,i spent 5 years with the first one and then 4 years with 2nd one ,i was not allowed to go outside ,not allowed to talk to my siblings ,in both mrgs i was the one who was serving and giving love and care but it drain me all ,now i am separated from my 2nd husband i found out his many affairs ,now i started my study again and trying to build my life again ,but sometimes i wonder why i was not choosen for love ,why this happened to me just why ,i dont know
@helpfulPlane2002
Do you know what kind of pertner do you want to have? And do think of why you cannot achieve it?
@RedOceanSun yes i want a loyal person who don't sacrifice me for others and who care about my happiness as well , my both husabnd always ignore me for others , i am a type of person when fall then fall completely so i gave up my on my respect in both relationships i think thats also is the reason why they messed up
@helpfulPlane2002
Have you thoght about why it happens it this way? I mean not your personal qualities, but may be because of your upbringing. enviroment, father-figures by your side etc.
@RedOceanSun yes in our culture we are taught to be silent and don't argue even if we are right ,in our culture women is for serving and men have all the power ,,,yeah my parents did not research about both husbands,my both marriages were arranged by my family,,
@helpfulPlane2002 i was a very obedient child to my parents so i bear so much just to hold their respect ,,,my father helped me to get out from my both husband when he came to know the truth but after getting me back he died with heartattack ,he was a good figure ,he just trust wrong people because they were my father's friends
@helpfulPlane2002
What options do you have now? Regarding your personality, your culture, your family, your attitude towards all of that?
@helpfulPlane2002
Now i see, thank you. The context is imortant.
I can resonate. Trying my best to gain back life and not feeling hopeless…
@HealingPuppyu will
Hi.. this all sounds very tough and emotionally exhausting.. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that by yourself..
But if you look at it.. you got through all this . Your strength is commendable. So give yourself some credit.
As far as how people treat you is not your responsibility. So please don't take it as your doing.
But also...How people treat us sometimes could be the reflection of how we treat ourselves. If we start being too available and easily trampled upon by others, and we act like it's not a big deal.. people treat us exactly like that. We give the benefit of the doubt to the opposite person in most situations. But never get the same treatment.
Maybe it's time to become selfish and understand the fact that you are a person with certain expectations and requirements and make it a fact that it is not up for negotiations and no adjustments from your side anymore. Along the way you'll be learning that when you do all this.. the power of your life is with you. The control, with you. And once that's established your own peace is going to be your only priority. May that be with yourself or share with someone else.
The only thing you need is to have that confidence and develop the self esteem to not let other people's actions determine your worth.
Because trust me honey.. the one who makes you question your worth.. is not worth it.
@Ridzilla4 thank u so much ,ur kind words means a lot to me ,espacially the last line u said, perfect thanks again
I am proud of you for rebuilding your life. Best wishes.
@helpfulPlane2002 seeking answers to the "why" and you probably won't. We all have to go through our share of misery and distress, different from the others yet very stressful and important for us. You have the chance now to rebuild your life with your studies. Knowledge and having a skill gives us the power to do things we could never have imagined to do. Perhaps you need to focus your energy in this, get your confidence back and then see what life has in store for you. My best wishes !
