39 hurt bruised hit rock bottom

Hi, so I am divorced twice. I moved to Bangalore because I fell in love with a guy on a dating app and he said that he was moving there too. He was lying he had a gf. He blocked me. I somehow got a job there and rented my apartment. The trainer in my new office started flirting with me. I started developing feelings for him after resisting at first. Turned out that he too had a gf. He then took a step back. After the entire office got to know about my feelings. Everyone started blaming me and the trainer escalated me. In October 2023 I came to my hometown Kolkata for the festive season on a vacay, I already knew this guy as a freelance tattoo artist. I had met him on the dating app when I had stopped believing in love. He took didn't talk serious. He had came to my place once and we had had foreplay. Because he would mostly talk dirty I avoided him. Once I had moved to Bangalore he used to see my whatsapp statuses and ask me how I am and said that he wanted me to move back to my hometown on several ocassions. He always used to say that one should only have sex and not fall in love because it's useless. So when I came to Kolkata in October I wanted to get the tattoo from him. He insisted that I came alone and reminded me of our intimacy earlier. I tried to resist a lot but he started behaving romantic for a change and I fell for him. He slept with me that day when he drew the tattoo. I fell in love but as he was not saying he is into love I never could say. I invited him to a hotel room and we slept again. But this time he didn't cuddle or hug and got up as soon as he came. It was emotionally traumatizing. I had asked him to drop me to the airport next day but he made an excuse. I cried my way back to Bangalore on the flight. Once I reached my apartment I made a video call to him it was going well he gave me hope of coming to visit me, the conversation was interrupted with another phone call, he said he would call me back but he never did nor did he receive my calls. He slowly deleted my number. His texts became rare. I was hoping he would visit me on my birthday but he revealed indirectly that he had a gf. When asked Directly he said that girl was only his friend. He kept denying. When I checked his *** I saw that his personality was completely different from what he showed me. He was an absolute romantic but for the other girl, he was just playing with me. Later I came to know that he owns a gold jewellery business and lied about his profession too. I was devastated. I came to my hometown once again in March 2024 but he did not meet me. I went back teary eyed when I got to know he and his gf were having problems to harm myself and sacrifice my love I slept with 3 men one after the other cuz he used to keep asking me whether I was having sex with other men, somehow that made him happy. These 3 men were men I had rejected earlier for him. He used to keep forcing me to get married to someone else. I had told him earlier that he was my bf for me. Oneday I was crying a lot after coming back from office and my dad sent me a message saying "do the right thing" I accepted a guy who had been pursuing me since nov 2023 in April 2024. I started a relationship with him but was missing the first guy. Slowly I asked the second guy to leave and inspite of him trying convince me I said I wanted to be platonic. He went there was no communication for a month. The first guy had come back and was only talking to me on WhatsApp but didn't save my number. That very day the second guy called me and came to visit me. He told me that he had met a girl and she had fought with him and blocked him. I empathized with him and even gave my phone to call her but she pretended to block him. He was lying too. I feel for it and we ended up being intimate although we didn't have intercourse. That day I asked him to come pick me up from office and went back home with him. I noticed changed behaviour and realized he was lying. He never accepted that he was in a stable relationship with this new girl. I had a hunch and refused him several times but he kept coming back and lying. Now all the guys I met on the dating app were turning out to be liars who already had gfs. I still refused this second guy. Oneday I wasn't able to sleep and I texted the hometown guy and he didn't reply and I got to know from his gfs social media that they had gone out. It made me depressed and I calledthe second guy and ended up sleeping with him. The next day when I called him his gf was sick and although he came he was angry and not into me. He left and later after much persuasion came back and now it was no secret that he had been in this other relationship the whole time. I let him go. My parents visited me in Bangalore after that and my dad fell severely ill. I never got any help from my then so called Bangalorean bf. After my dad left he came again and because of the guilt of hurting him once I again gave into his emotional manipulation. He would again avoid me. One day I dressed up for him and he ditched me. I decided to move on and met this amazing guy I was having a great conversation with. But again the second guy who already had a gf came for a visit that day I was not being intimate with him at first but he made me feel guilty about how I had rejected him in the past and slept with me. He then came after s long time and broke up with me and said we would be platonic. I came to Kolkata in December for my birthday, the old flame from Kolkata rekindled and he started talking intimately with me. He ditched me later and never met me again and insulted me and blocked me and lied to me. I said all this to the guy in Bangalore on phone and instead of being empathetic it turned out that he again wanted the previous arrangement and wanted me to live a toxic lie all my life. I refused both the guys. I was on the verge of a hysterectomy, not being able to work, shaved my head to look unattractive so that the hometown guy would meet me as he said he was loyal to his wife now and had gotten married. In the meantime the new connection I had made who had stopped talking to me because I had entertained my toxic Bangalore ex out of obligation started talking to me again. I got new hope to live I cancelled the surgery and was slowly recovering but on 28th Feb 2025 this new guy who is also from Bangalore called me and said he was leaving for Dubai and would come back in 7-10 days. It's been over a month and he never came back and kept blocking me as soon as I texted him. He never gave me a reason for abandoning me. I lost my job and lost a lot of money in bitcoin investment which was borrowed from my parents. I am harassed by my lenders too. My parents are emotionally unsupportive and constantly yelling. It is difficult to stay in my hometown but I don't want to go back to my toxic ex as if I go to Bangalore people corner me and make me to go to my toxic ex. I refuse to do that. This was a guy who tortured me emotionally for months.

I thought of staying in my hometown with my independence gone and I still miss the guy who showed me hope and helped me recover after the trauma from both my toxic exes.

He refuses to talk to me. Ghosts me. I feel devastated dependent without any friends.

What should I do? 😭