Anyone struggling with a partner who has ADHD?
I am currently struggling to keep my own sanity by dealing with adhd spouse. He refuses to work on anything or try to be present in our families lives. Our child is affected the most.
Spouse literally uses adhd as an excuse for EVERYTHING. It's especially hard because his adhd is fine but it's my anxiety that ruins our relationship, according to him.
I've done research about ADHD, I have a fair understanding. However, I think some of it is just his personality. He's a spiteful person. He'll do anything to avoid accountability. He is never wrong.
Can anyone relate?
@inventiveSky2601 Hey, that sounds like a really hard place to be, and that your relationship with your spouse has been stressed due to his inattentiveness and other behaviors related to ADHD, as well as the "excuses" he makes. I do not live with someone with ADHD, however I have watched close friends struggle with it.
Many people with ADHD also have components of autism spectrum disorder or Asberger's syndrome, which makes social interactions and relationships more challenging for them. I am not sure if he has a doctor that he sees regularly, but those concerns could be brought up at the next check-up, or if he is on medication, a medication change could be suggested. However, your spouse would need to be willing to make changes.
It also sounds like your spouse may benefit from some professional help, to find healthy ways to deal with inattentiveness, anger outbursts, time management, accountability, etc. Your family might also want to consider family counseling, to work on bettering your relationships with one another.
If you need help with resources, or just want to talk more about what you are going through, please reach out to a listener here: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
@purplelady568 thank you. I've definitely tried to get him to get help. He flat out refuses. No matter what kind of place we are in (fighting, getting along, and anything between) he just tells me to get over it and I'm the issue. It's the lack of trying to make anything better that is getting old. He was officially diagnosed 3 years ago. It's just gotten worse. At what point do I just say "I tried, you didn't. Bye"?
@inventiveSky2601 I can hear the frustration in your words!
If you feel like you have tried everything, and he is still not responding or not willing/able to make any changes, then separation is an option for next steps. Maybe it would be helpful for you to think about the pros/cons, and write them down, to get a clearer picture of the best way forward.
Another option would be to create very clear boundaries with him. You could make a list of things you do not want to tolerate in your home. For example, if he is not using kind words to your child, you can instruct the child to walk away or lock themselves in their room for a certain amount of time, if he is being disrespectful or unkind towards them. (that might be a silly example, or you might already have a similar boundary in place, I don't know). It can be helpful to use "I" statements, such as "I feel ____ when this happens". That way, you are not assigning blame, just stating a fact.
I don't know if anything I've said is helpful, but this sounds like a really hard situation, and I hope you can find a way forward. And for whatever you decide, whatever happens, I wish you clarity and peace.
@purplelady568 thank you. You've been very helpful. I appreciate it.
I can relate completely - any update on your situation?
Sometimes. No ADHD diagnosis here, but it’s been suspected a number of times and I have symptoms of ADHD. I’ve sometimes been on medication for ADHD. It may be his confidence as a father? Maybe he has a lot going on at work that is hard for him to devote family time and attention. I’ve not been married nor have I had a child myself though so I wouldn’t know. Men can suffer from personality and career oriented issues that make it hard for them to open up to people in their lives closest to them. Not all men are like that, but some and sometimes when they feel threatened or maybe if things are unfair to them. In terms of his diagnosis, I am sure ADHD symptoms makes it difficult for him to be the person he would like to be at times. I am sorry for making suggestions and judgments. I am not a professional. I just am thinking about your situation and how things could possibly be, but it isn’t fair for me to speculate or say anything. I just hope things go better for you and your family. Take care. It is very brave of you to open up to talk about things. I wish your family joy, healing, and success.
How are you medicated and you've never been diagnosed.
.... the way the system works?
Thanks for your thoughtful input. I'm sorry if I sounded rude. Questioning your response to the op
No I got too ADHD to have a partner
