Gaslighter accuses you of gaslighting them

My husband has been gaslighting me for over a decade, telling lies and then when id ask info on things that seemed odd, he'd gaslight. Then when truths came out later about his lies, he would have an excuse and essentiallu nlame me more gor his lies and briefly blanket excuse his behavior. I tjink he is either gay or bi. He is very charasmatic but when i talk to him about topics that he feels are me "gtilling" him he stsrts getting very defensive, then he starts swearing sometimes calling me foul names, blaming me for his misery etc. Meanwhile he was caught lying. He claims to have never cheated on me but his behavior, the gaslighting and other odd circumstances suggest otherwise. He refers to himself as being not a perfect guy, very flawed, and that he is perverted, but that he has again never betrayed me. He gaslights me over any topic he feels is me dcrutinizing him, even if its something rrlevant yo us both, like our investments. He gets defrndive, combative, which makes me get upset as he accuses me of not respecting him. He says that alot which i find ironic. We have 3 children, and it wasnt until almost 2 yrs ago, a bunch of his lies came yo light. He denied the severity of them, ssying he is not doing Nything, he has not the will, time, or money yo cheat. Says he is not gay and then gaslights me for even suggesting it when he was found to be using mulyiple sites. He has kept us and our kids on economic instability for over a decade. Only kow he is stable as i put him thru nursing school 2 yrs back. If it werent for the kids id have left lo g ago. I dont want yo traumatize them or not see them 50% of time. I also dont trust him caring for them. One of our children has adhd like symptoms and trminds my husband of himself. He is harder on him than the other 2. The child does not respond well to him as a result. My husband over a simple convo will jump from annoyed to co fro tational and then im  confused why he got angdy which makes him more angry to which he curses at me in front of the kids. When i say hey please dont talk like that w them near he says he doesnt care that i made him, its my fault. I could go on and on. We fight, then he gets kind again after a couple day and acts like a completely different person. At times he does apologize over blowups on me. Usually when i dont respond to him. But if i gdt confused and take his rsge bsit he goes all out blames me and never apologizes. He is slways threatening divorce after these gaslighting sessions. I work part time contract from home to care for kids and due to 1 vehicle. I got my own car after a decade of none due to him selling mine b4. The very next dsy he crashed his and takes now mine to work. I am stuck i am drained, i dont know whether to trust him. At times i believe him and think im at fault. He says that my communication is the source of our problems. Which is hilarious coming from a proven liar...