On getting unstuck

“Life is what you make it” is not true. It was maybe said by someone who was fortunate enough not to know misery. They didn’t say it with empathy.

There are many things, life chose for us. We couldn’t. We could even regret it. We cannot even regret our some choices. we didn’t even get the chance to choose, and we lived with it.

Foe example: we didn’t choose the family when we were born, the parents, the home, the circumstances, the situation the environment, the challenges waiting for us. Many are born with disabilities, many are born in an war-zone, many are born and abandoned. They were too little to make “life”. The were a product instead.

And when it’s time to choose. When it is time to finally take our decisions, we were just our leftovers or bad products, and the decision we made defined how damaged we were . Like my traumatic marriage was.

I am gonna be 40 in few months. I am living 2 lives. A life I show. And a life I have. The life I have isn’t a good show for the toxic world. I show my injuries, and sharks appear from nowhere. I don’t tell them I am unhappy. I tell them I am done with post divorce trauma, but I am not. I tell them I am working, but I am not, I just have a well off family and I depend on them. I tell them I have friends, the coolest, but no. I lie that I am a positive person, a brave person, but I am not. I was all that before my marriage. But now I am a nothing. I tell them I am not lonely. But I am the loneliest person on this planet.

My life is all about: spending hours in nature, walking and doing nature studies, taking care of stray animals, and sinking my face in piles and piles of sketchbooks and books. 7 years. Just these 3 things is my life. Not a single new thing, And the terror is that I am unwilling to even change it.

I had my first chat with a listener and I chose the category: getting unstuck. Even though they found it the most complicated option and got radio silent.,

This is my reason to be here. Getting unstuck.

Thank you for reading and sorry for the long post.

I wish everyone well.