Stuck at 35
Hi there, fairly new on here, I have been with my common law partner for 13 years, I am not happy, I am not in love with him. I have fallen for another man, I have never felt this much in love in my life. I don't believe I have loved before as this feels so different. The feelings are mutual, but he is going through a challenging time with his partner as well. I can't leave as I have nowhere to go, can't afford rent on my own, and my feelings are overwhelming, feels like my heart could burst out of my chest.
Hey there.
I have the experience from the other end of the spectrum, 12 with the ring and 6 without so far, single daddy or two girls 9 and 12. Please for the love of your new love, wait and think before you act! It’s a destructive thing and in the beginning it looks like the Garden of Eden, I will elaborate as best I can.
in the beginning of any relationship, hormones will absolutely rage, and rose colored glasses will absolutely shadow your eye sight.
If you can beat back the feeling of “having to be with this new man as soon as possible” , and then sit and meditate on it, think of your relationship with your first partner and how it was in the beginning. Do you see similarities in your actions and words? If you do, think about those and remember how you would have felt if your first partner did it to you all those years ago.
The best thing that could really help you right now is to talk with your #1 in a calm, relaxed environment and with a calm relaxed attitude. Be respectful of boundaries and keep things light to begin with. If you had a deep rooted love for him then keep that in mind as his feelings were/are mutual.
Just know you’re never alone in any situation, if you’re going through it, it’s not likely you’re the first and someone is always willing to listen. Always reach out in times of need or crisis, there are people out there that can help!
Remember, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, you’re here after all!! And it takes mind muscle like a mountain to reach out.
@BrokenLuck
The truth is that I won't pursue him, I truly want him to be happy even if it's not with me. Heartbreaking to say/type. I appreciate your words and kindness, I have started seeing a therapist and will work on being the best version of me and will get things figured out in time.
@punkydoodle445 From my experience, many of us may be tempted by the "new car smell" of a new relationship, with which all our troubles are gone. But does it really work like that?
Imagine you and your "new partner" after 13 years. Now both your and his relationships seems to be in a crisis - and that can make a sense of understanding and of deep connection between two of you. But would you have similar values when your divorces are left behind and you two lead an everyday, boring life together?
Obviously, we are sometimes getting married at young age, learning on our mistakes, getting experience and self-awareness with age and time. I am sure switching partners can make a person feel high. But can it also make a person feel happy in the long term? The answer is usually more complicated.
Recently I've heard somebody saying: if someone was divorced once - it happens; if someone was divorced twice - well...; if someone was divorced thrice - be careful of any negative patterns.
I remember that when I crossed 30+, I realized I am not gonna live forever, and that made me searching for redefining my life. I guess you may be in a similar period of life now.
I wish you making good choices and happiness 😊
