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Turning 40 and totally lost

User Profile: olivePenny2562
olivePenny2562 March 4th, 2024

Hi everyone. I turned 40 last month, and it was okay for a week or two. Then, i suddenly developed depression. Not that it's an unfamiliar state (I have GAD and am in therapy), but this time is different somehow. I manage to work enough to create an impression that nothing happens (luckily, i am on flextime), do my volunteering duties, attend meetings, answer messages, and buy groceries - and that's pretty much it. At home, i just lie on the couch, watch Netflix, and feel that my life is over. I spent more than 10 years struggling to prove myself in a new country, and when i have finally succeeded, more or less, i just feel empty. I know that i should be grateful for the life i have but honestly i don't. All i have is work, pro bono cases, and my cats. Also, 1.5 years ago i came out as asexual, and am still being ridiculed about it, so my relationship with friends has not been the best since then. I have been trying to find some activities to enjoy, but to no avail - it's like, I am a 40 year old foreign woman living in South East Asia; read, i am doomed. Why bother? I thought this feeling would pass in a week or so, but it is just getting worse. I can barely keep my smile in public. Will it ever get better?

Thanks for reading this.

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