i used to be a good person...
there was a time that i would have helped anyone who needed it. i have literally given people the clothes off my back. I've spent thousands of dollars on people who wouldn't even consider lifting a finger for me. im so done with it. all my kindness is used up. i have done so much for so many people just for them to spit in my face. im done. im so done with everything. anytime im in a position where im the one who needs help people dont care. people act like i dont matter and i am starting to believe them. when i try to do good i get punished for it so i dont try anymore. when people talk to me the only thing on my mind is how to get them away from me as soon as humanly possible. i dont have friends anymore.... and with how i am now i dont see it ever happening again... how do you make friends when all i can think is they are just humoring me to make their lives easier. either they want something from me, they dont believe me, or they are outright trying to hurt me. i dont believe in good people anymore. i dont even believe im a good person anymore.
@munificentgearhead
its ok to take a break from things happening in life and sorting your thoughts. even if you dont treat yourself as good people you can still be proud of the fact that you were once a person who chose to help others without any demands or a good person. maybe it was a phase or just you realised how people usually are or how you have built trust issues because of the people. please remember the reason why you did the first/ last good deed . was it for yourself for you to feel good? or for others to make them feel good? . whatever you decide , does it change the feelings it gave when you were younger than now?
Society has failed you, but should u let that affect u and allow u to fail yourself?
@munificentgearhead -
"Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect--and don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be."
- Ambrose Bierce
I took the above directives to heart a long time ago. You could do the same.
What i understand is ...it's like you're extremely disappointed with people around you. They didn't seem to value the love you gave them. You feel like you cant trust anyone. And i think this happens when you forget your purpose. What is the reason why you love people? Also, did you communicate your needs effectively to them when you were in need? maybe the phase of your life where you connected with these friends is over and its time to look for new friends? There are so many people who will melt with even a tiny bit of love you give them..like an orphan, a sick person, a poor person etc..there is much need of love in this world, do not believe otherwise..plz do not isolate yourself as the easiest person for the devil to attack is the loner.
