Covid,family & life
Hi, I’m a father of 6 ( 2 from another relationship) (2 from my current) and 2 bonus (from my current relationship) my fiancé have been together for about 3 years. Everything was great till Covid hit. What was seeing my 2 oldest all the time turned to once every few months (in the beginning of Covid) to my second oldest thinking she was gonna be replaced by my fiancés daughter…to then feeling some sort of way when she found out she was gonna be a big sister. things getting better with now with vaccines. My fiancé makes it seem like she doesn’t want me to be in my older kids lives (events mostly) I know she doesn’t mean it but it comes across that way. She’s upset because I have to pay child support, gets mad at me because I’m paying it and sees it as money that could be spent on (our family) it got so bad that I had to lie to her about going to see my girls play a soccer game because I knew she’d get upset that I’d be going to see them play. She found out I lied by going through my phone. That was a few months ago. Things have gotten a little better between us. But now sees my kids in a different light. We got into a “discussion” about how she doesn’t want them here, her daughter doesn’t see them as her sister anymore, how she’s gonna be pissed if people in the house get sick if they come over for thanksgiving. So I said I feel like I’m in between a rock and a hard place. It’s almost like she wants me to tell them not to come over. But they want to, and if I side with them then she’ll feel some way. So I expressed how I wish I wasn’t in the picture and commit suicide. She suggested I talk to someone and get help. She didn’t realize I felt this way. I just don’t want to hurt my kids and my new family. I want to be there for everyone. It’s hard.
@Appledad
Hey there.
So, full stop, I'm not a dad myself. However, I feel like I can, in a way relate in some aspects to what you're going through.
My parents divorced 7 years ago, and my father quickly remarried to a woman who had kids of her own; It's just me and my older sister from my father's marriage with my mom.
After a whirlwind romance, my father's new wife made it known (through words and actions) that they would be prioritizing (as in all their time) her family. Now, I know it can't be easy to blend families (as I know you know), but I feel like there has to be some give-and-take, as time is such a precious and finite resource.
Anyway, 6 years of re-marriage later, I would say things are pretty much the same. They show up for appearances (usually my grandfather's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve) but that's pretty much it.
I truly wish I could offer you a how-to or what-to-do in terms of how to navigate your situation. As it stands though, and for what it's worth (and to what level I can), I feel you on this.