Greetings All
So....here we are!! I have been in a struggle/stuck feeling for quite some time. I have been battling depression and anxiety and panic attacks since I was 16.....that was 20 years ago. I am back on the merry go round.
My business collapsed due to covid, and due to me not wanting people around (I run my business from home) me and my children. And also, cause I'm tired of hair!! I have been doing have since I was 16 as well. I have been working wanting to venture into something new, but WHAT?? I'm kinda a "Jack of all trades, master of none". There are so many things in interested in, but either lose interest or feel defeated.
I entered into a relationship during Covid, we moved in together and got engaged. Grand fucking times. But we don't know each other and we don't trust each other.....break up, right?! But she is all the right pieces to my puzzle and I'm not sure she is the one destroying me or vice versa.
I drink way too much.
I have a terrible relationship with my mother, a phenomenal one with my father. But I long for her, you know?!
I have teenage children.
I try to remind myself to breathe, to take it all in....one day at a time. But I can't sleep, have no drive and I am screaming for someone to see me. I am the one that smiles through it all, no one knows I feel like I'm drowning as soon as I open my eyes.....be it day, mid day, evening or night. Oh, cause also I can't sleep.
edited by forum mentor @rebecca947 to remove curse words
You are not alone! Keep reminding yourself to breathe like you said…. Sometimes putting up a smile is the only way to get through things especially with people you care for …. I understand it too well, think about it this way, you have your kids … come rain or shine, you are their mother and that love would never go away…. Just like you are longing for your mother, she is also probably thinking about you… communication is always the problem, give it time and perspective in a clear headspace…. You might have an Euraka moment
