How to forgive a wifes affair?
My wife of 17 years had an affair this year. She told me about it. It was a mistake and I believe her that it will never happen again. It was a combination of quarantine, mid life crisis, alcohol, and weed. We are both wanting to move on and build our marriage even stronger as we move forward. I told her I forgave her because I want us to move past this. However, I can't keep the thought of what she did out of my head. On a daily basis I go back and forth between feeling love for her where I need her attention and affirmation, and anger for what she did. It's a cycle that I can't break. I worry if I truely do forgive her or not. This is new for me. I never had to forgive someone before like this. How do I get these thoughts out of my head and stop dwelling on them when my mind is not occupied with other things? I know I can't forget what happened, but how do I learn to accept the physical actions that she took and learn to stop holding it against her? It's been two months since she told me the truth. I really believe she won't do it again. I'm just having a hard time not being depressed over this. And thoughts or ideas are greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. ?
@politePlum891 Forgiveness isn't something you do once, like replacing the living room rug. It's a choice that you have to make over and over again, like brushing your teeth every day. Every day you have to forgive your wife and decide that you love her more than you hate her mistake. But deciding that you want to forgive her is a huge step. I wish you both the best.
@unassumingPeach386
That makes sense. Thank you. That is a great point. I do need to start my day with that reminder to myself. Thank you!!! ??
@politePlum891
I agree that forgiveness isn't a one and done thing. It's vital that she understands AND is changing the things she did that led to her having an affair. (ie. She's now watching her drinking/not smoking weed/learning better ways to cope with her feelings/working on communicating with you instead/going to AA if necessary, etc.). A lot of times people try to blame the faithful spouse for the unfaithful spouse's actions but this can enable the unfaithful spouse to feel they don't need to change when they do need to change. You're perfectly normal. It can take time to heal and build a stronger marriage. It's good if she's truly committed and wants to work with you to help you heal and to strengthen your marriage.