Hurting every day
My wife of 17 years has been acting distant and the evening after Christmas I asked if she loved me and she said yes. I asked if she was still in love with me and she said no. She told me that she lost herself a while ago and she kept telling herself that she was better off with me even though she was unhappy.
We both have issues... She bottles things up because of past childhood trauma. I am way more emotional and in touch with my feelings. I began to become clingy and paranoid the last few years because I saw patterns that seemed so familiar. 11 years ago she cheated on me physically with one man and emotionally online with multiple. I forgave and moved on for time but those triggers brought it all back.
Now I feel lost and in so much pain. I'm sleeping on the couch and feel so alone. I was not expecting her to say she wasn't in love with me any more. I am mad at her for keeping this all in and not working through the issues together.
I'm scared for the future. I don't know how to be alone. I thrive with affection and intamacy and I do not know how to go on with out that for months, a year?
Same feeling bro... don't worry ..people changes but memories not....be with it and move on... that's what even I m trying to ....
Sending hugs. Hug yourself if you can. 🌻
It is very painful indeed when someone you love for so long doesn't love you back. You should however also keep in mind that it's not your fault. It must be hurting so much right now but you should be very careful about whatever step you want to take. Remember that you've a life ahead too and you matter as much as she does. You can have an open conversation with her about how you're feeling right now. You can both talk like friends at first so that you know what things have affected your relationship and how deeply. I can't advice you on what you should or shouldn't do but sometimes a proper conversation can solve a lot of doubts and questions we usually have. Ask her what made her say so. What bothered her in your relationship along with your own views. It's understandable that you must be feeling alone at this moment. Just remember to have yourself with you. You are feeling weak at this moment but you're much more than what happened to you. Your relationship with yourself is very important. Just hold on. Don't give up on yourself.
Once you get a clarity, it would be slightly easier for you to take a decision as right now the situation seems blurred.
Hope you feel better soon and come out of it stronger which you're. ✨🌻
Thank you so much for the support. I appreciate it
@LostTIM
i am on the opposite end where I’m married for 17 years but never was in love with my husband . It doesn’t feel good and everyday I feel like trapped in a prison . It’s very depressing way of existing .
@lostTim I totally feel your pain I am in a similar situation. Three years ago I fell into a depression and didn’t want to admit it. I pushed my husband away for over a year and I felt I didn’t want to be married anymore. I loved him but wasn’t in love with him. One day I broke down and told him and I left. I stayed at a friends house. We both agreed not to tell anyone and would just get together for social gatherings. When I left I worked on myself because I couldn’t love and fix our relationship until I fixed myself first. I was bored in the marriage there were things I needed and wanted but didn’t know how to tell him. Our communication was nonexistent and so was our sex life. When I left I totally broke his heart. After about a month or two I started realizing what I did . I realized how much I loved and missed him. Then I didn’t know what I was going to do to fix it. The times I saw him during our separation I was happy to see him and acted like a normal couple again. This frustrated him because he couldn’t figure out how someone leaves their spouse and acts that happy. Me leaving him pushed him to traveling for work so he was living in Virginia and I moved back in the house. He would come home for few days once a month. I told him about my depression and admitted I was wrong and wanted to work on things . He was confused how I up and left then magically wanted to pop back into his life. He agreed but he continued to travel for work. I went over the top to better communicate and show how much I cared for him. We had fun together but he was very distant and there was no affection it’s been over a year since we agreed to work on our marriage. He finally told me last week that there is no emotional or intimate connection anymore. He forgave me and understood why I left but he said I broke him. He wasn’t able to get the feelings back for me he once had. It sucks because he never talked about it with anyone except for a few random woman he meet while traveling. Our friends and family don’t know. I confided in a few friends because I would have gone crazy. Now I am alone and lost. The holidays were terrible trying to pretend we were happy together when I can tell he doesn’t want to be anywhere near me. Now it’s really awkward because he will be leaving to travel again in a few days. I understand how you feel because I just want to hug and hold him and I can’t. I feel like I can’t eat or sleep. I feel before I left he was trying and I wasn’t now I’ve been trying and he’s not (even though he said he’s been trying so hard over the last year). I think if we tried at the same time to work on things and communicate together we could get passed it all. He feels it is too late and doesn’t want to try anymore.
@LostTIM
My experience is women don't like emotional, clingy men. If she's cheated on you and had emotional relationships with other people my opinion is it is over and you need to work on yourself to get to a place where you can be alone and find someone else if you want too. Being in a long term terrible relationship is worse than ending it and moving on I think.
