I'm coming to the realization that I'm a relationship with an abusive narcissist but I don't know how to manage my exit
I saw a lot of the warning signs up front, in retrospect, but I forgave them all. The guilt I feel there is minimal however, and something I'm sure I can work through.
My main issue is now that I've realized this, I obviously need to get out of this relationship for my own well being. However, there is a catch.
Recently, he and I have been orchestrating a partnership between our perspective companies. It would be hugely beneficial to everyone invovled, and both he and I would be compensated well, as well as landing me something I've been seeking for quite some time: job security. After a huge fight last week, he's now threatening to sabotage the deal as leverage over me, to stick around (we cohabitate in a house I own), get free rent, until the deal goes through then he'd move out. Then he'll flip and let his narcissitic rage take over and threaten to blow it up anyways, just to hurt me.
For the reasons I mentioned above, I reaaally don't want to see this deal go south because of someone that acts like a petulant child, but my desire to try to ride this out so that the deal goes through keeps me fairly powerless. It could take months to really get this deal out on paper, especially since we are starting the end of the year where companies don't usually want to make a lot of new deals.
I really don't know how to handle this.
Financial stress is pretty hard on a lot of couples and can bring out a lot of ugly behavior. I hate doing any kind of business with people close to me; it seems like something tends to go wrong more often than not.
@evewell
Sounds as if on the one hand you could have financial gain from the relationship and with that could also come the continued abuse and threats from being abused in your own home. Who even knows after if suffering all of the continued abuse if someone like this would still keep their commitment for the financial gain? Does this make it hard for you to sleep at night? Are you locking your bedroom and bathroom door in fear of them? Do you have to wonder what they will do to you next? What consequence is this having on your mental health and safety? Just things to consider I guess.
I imagine this is a very big decision and not one to be taken lightly. I wonder how powerless you feel right now? Feeling that way is the worst feeling in the world, I send you big *hugs* 
I don't think what you are going through is easy at all! I think this could be one of the hardest choices you have ever had to make in your life. But the operative word here is choice. What ever happens, I hope you know you do have a choice. I'm thinking you could change the locks when they are away from the home you own. Have a lock smith come, change all of the locks and give you a new set of keys. Call the proper authorities and let them know that you are fearful of them, you own the home and they are no longer welcome on your property. Perhaps the authorities could be there while this person removes their possession from your house so you are protected?
If you ask me, many times we in life think we have only 2 choices, option A to do one thing, option B to do the other. But many fail to consider option C which is choose to not choose at the moment and see how it goes. But I would have to wonder at what price you would have to pay for even option C? I'm hoping this is helpful my friend.
@FineFrog15 It is helpful, and has given me some more to think about. Thank you
@evewell In my experience people don't change when circumstances get better. I have had people in my life who just light up the room in my eyes, regardless of the weather. Then there are people who will promise you the world when it's sunny out, but as soon as there's a hint of rain, everything is your fault and you owe them for all they gave you when everything was good.
I unfortunately married someone who is more like the latter than the former. I find myself thinking, if I only just tried harder to make things better, then she'll go back to being nice again. I'm beginning to realize there is no clean exit strategy. I cry at night thinking about a dear friend who I loved with all my heart who I let go years ago. She still messages me from time to time asking how I am. I know the best thing to do. It's hard.
I was in business with a narcissistic emotionally abusive man with rage issues for years until it literally ended in ruins. It is not worth dealing with such a person and in the end the aftermath still shows up during stressful times as PTSD when I perceive something remotely similar to witnessing abusive behavior.
The longer you stay the worst it will get. Sometimes the best way to save ourselves is to cut our loses before it gets worst.