I think I'm weird :(
So after a long time this guy at work who is actually pretty socially awkward has gone from looking at me and smiling a little to now approaching me.
But I am still socially awkward myself...I don't know what he wants but one of my friends says he isn't a bad person, just really shy and encouraged me to talk to him. I'm worried he's going to touch me inappropriately.
He's 40 years old and I am 37. I've known him for 5 years but only in work so my trust levels are really not good even more so especially since I was abused as a child and also by clients.
Every time he's in work which isn't often and I finish my shift at 4 (he finishes at 5), he is mostly on his own. I don't find it appropriate to talk to him about things outside of work because he's 100% work focused so it'd seem like we'd be talking about stuff he wouldn't be comfortable talking about.
I just feel like I'm in a deadlock and that I'm really just weird. :(
@honestZebra1035
You're not weird. You just have your own way of seeing, perceiving, and responding to a situation that might be different than many people. I used to be very socially awkward myself too. When I was a kid, my interaction with most people was only nodding, shaking my head, or shrugging my shoulder. We all have an untold story that affects and shapes our behavior and way of perceiving things. It's something very personal to each person, and it's not for anyone to judge.
Just like you have your reason for behaving the way you do, he might have his reasons too. Some people choose to focus on work and avoid talking about something personal because there's where their safe space feels like.
But everyone has something they're interested in and feel passionate about. Maybe you can try to figure out his interest and try to open a conversation about it. Or maybe you also try to talk about work if he's really passionate about it and see how the conversation goes from there. I think it could go well if you can notice what he doesn't seem comfortable talking about and try to avoid that topic.
@Litepanda
Thank you.
He can literally talk for hours about work. I've been all over the building in different jobs and he's rarely in the office due to working from home.
I overheard him speaking to 2 women I used to work with, commenting on my appearance, asking where my office is, what my shift patterns are, when I go on lunch and who my male coworkers who I go to lunch with are.
It isn't that I don't want to open up to him, but I haven't and don't speak to him very often even when I worked with him.
I was sitting on my own when he tried to approach me on my break that day... He got within a metre of me before he could say anything then 2 women who know him caught his attention and he then pulled away from me.
I told a friend who said he's being creepy but the guy is so well liked and another friend says he likes me.
@honestZebra1035
Hi, from what i read the way you describing the guy, he also seems to hesitant to talk to you maybe because he was worried you might be uncomfortable. If i were you, i think i will engage in a small conversation first.
@hanim23
Thank you. Yes, I believe maybe he's just shy and he's worried about making me feel uncomfortable.
If that be the case, it's sweet that he's considering my feelings in however minor a way he is doing so.
Being a victim of sexual abuse, my trust in men is not great as I've mentioned. I've not broadcast this to anyone, so maybe he's thinking about how I'd feel.
I will try and engage in small talk if or when I next see him.
Thanks again
@honestZebra1035
something else to consider that in the current climate in many countries approaching a woman at work can be dangerous for men and an easy way to get fired. If you like him, try some small talk, something easy like what jobs he's done before in the office etc. Work from that starting point.
@determinedShip1191
Hi, thanks.
At the moment it's still hard to talk to him. He's still not in the office all the time due to working from home and the last time we interacted, if I can call it that, was last week - he looked at me and gave me a shy smile. He's so socially awkward at times! I will get there I am sure, I just have to catch him on his own.
