Marriage issues

Hey love,

It sounds like you have a complicated situation, but life works that way doesn’t it.. Honestly, I think you need to ask yourself what you think would be the best, when you were in a relationship woth your ex, why did it end? Why did you fall in love with your husband? Let me tell you, relationships, being married, friendship, having kids, all of those have something in common and that is that all of it can be fragile if it isn’t nurtured, or strong if people in that relationship both work for it. There is also something that I heard of so many times and that is that when people have kids, they usually get in this mode like “okey so what now? Is this how it’ s gonna end? This is how I am going to spend the rest of my life?” and that is normal, but people take it to another level because they freak out, they start drinking, cheating, playing games, etc. Situation with your husband, communication is key. Talk with parner, have a deep conversation, take a trip somewhere if you can, try to see if there is a deep connection, after that, have a deep conversation with yourself, don’t be judgemental, be a true frined for yourself, find a moment where you can be true to yourself and relax, maybe you lost youself along the way of living life and you have to find yourself again. And when you do all of that, you will have an anwser in you.

Take care, love you

@courageousTiger593

Thank you for sharing all this. I feel that with time, the passion and intimacy in marriage eventually fade with time unless the partners keep consciously working on it. I totally get that hearing from your ex has stirred the passion again. I think your husband might not be aware of the seriousness of him not changing anything despite knowing how you feel. I cannot tell you what to do as you are the expert on your situation. However, if I was in the same situation, I would maybe try to be more initiative and put effort into arranging something special and trying to include it in our routine. E.g. having dinner together outside once a week (when children are at grandma or with a babysitter) or doing something that can bond us together. There is one great activity called 36 questions. The questions are designed to strengthen the bond between spouses. If nothing would help, I would make it clear to him that if this continues I might meet someone else because then he knows how important it is for me. Of course, you need to think about what is best for YOU. Let me know what are your thoughts :)

25 years married here, a far from a perfect marriage and probably more downs than ups...but my advice would be to think about what needs to be nurtured in your marriage. You and your ex both already moved on and created families. You both already have spouses and children.

#1 I'd immediatley cut all contact with Ex and stop entertaining romantic fantasies and giving yourselves tempations..."hoping he suggests meeting up." Stop it. Focus on watering the grass you've got. This is serious if you're at that point. That is not fair to your husband or kids.

#2 Do not blame your kids for lack of intimacy between you and your husband. It's hard, I've been there and kids are 1000% exhausting. I get it. But put them to bed and go relax with your husband. Not sure how old your kids are, but regardless...set some boundaries, it won't hurt kids to cry it out a bit or learn to wait if mom is busy at the moment and can't jump the minute they cry or call you. I know it is sooo much easier to sleep with the kids, but husbands feel hurt when kids take all your attention now and they are put on the back burner. You'd think a grown man would understand, but it's a common issue....they feel they lost their wife to the kids. See if you can leave kids with family and have a date night every so often. Plan it and surprise him. I hope you can make your marriage better than ever and get through this. Relationships are full of ups and downs and different phases...just persist and you can get over the hurdles. Sorry if some of that above seemed harsh, but I've seen so many marriages break up when kids come and the relationship has a new dynamic. Don't throw away what you've already got. You married him I'm guessing because you loved him and wanted to have a family with him...and same goes for him, so make some changes together and make it happen! <3

I have been cheated on. It’s not fun to find out the love of your life is completely lying to you. I’m still reeling from it a little over a year later. Don’t do it. End your marriage first. Cheating is definitely not the way to go. If he’ll cheat with u. He’ll cheat on u. Remember that. Hope I didn’t offend u. That was the farthest from my intentions. I’ve been there and just wanted to give u the best advice 😊