Men do feel heartbroken and lonely
I being married for over 20 years. But we are on our early 40s. I never had issues expressing my feelings towards my wife. However, I feel invalidate when I bring issues to her. For her we are fine, but for me had been years of compromising letting things go in order to move forward.
Once in a while, all the resentment that had being roting inside me come back and keep me from sleeping. In order to avoid been distance, I try to talk to my wife about it. She doesn't seem to understand that what she sees as a small issue, it doesn't mean I feel the same.
We had an argument where she agrees she is in the wrong, but she justify it by saying she doesn't know why she act that way. She then proceeds to blame me of making it a bigger deal that what it is. I just feel heartbroken. If it is a small issue, why don't you fix it? Is not like she is blindingly to it. I had the same talk with her about 2 years ago, and everything stayed in the air. I'm telling her exactly what the issue is and what she can do to fix it. I even ask if there's something I can do to make it easier on her. But I just get shutdown. I'm asking too much, am I not worth for her to even try it?
I don't have friends I can talk to. At least I found this. Because honestly I'm just feel worthless, lonely, desperate and heartbroken.
@Dustman
Hello! Sorry to hear you are feeling so lonely, desperate and heartbroken. 💛 I am so glad you found this site, and good on you for such a lovely, heartfelt sharing. 🤗
I can imagine the pain and frustration after 20 years of marriage to have your wife not understanding you or listening. Sometimes people find it hard to relate if they haven't experienced the same thing. Or maybe she takes it personally in some way and feels uncomfortable listening??
I wonder if you have had a habit of not sharing your true self in the past, so that now when you want to it is hard, and the people closest to you aren't used to that and it can be hard for them also. I guess all those years of compromise have built up in you and are now overwhelming, there is no space for any more, and it has turned to resentment.
being married for over 20 years. But we are on our early 40s. I never had issues expressing my feelings towards my wife. However, I feel invalidate when I bring issues to her. For her we are fine, but for me had been years of compromising letting things go in order to move forward.
I am proud of you for keeping on trying to talk with your wife about it. That can be difficult to do.
Once in a while, all the resentment that had being roting inside me come back and keep me from sleeping. In order to avoid been distance, I try to talk to my wife about it. She doesn't seem to understand that what she sees as a small issue, it doesn't mean I feel the same. Sometimes it helps to write a letter, so that she can read it in her own time? But be careful to share your feelings and needs, and not to blame her (else she may shut down or get defensive).
Some people don't realise that they can change, or don't know how or their defensiveness is strong.
How are you now? Have you found other to talk with here on 7cups?